sad holiday

I just found out that one of my friends in NYC passed away quite suddenly yesterday. She was a good friend of my partner-in-crime. I wonder how her family and her children are holding up.
I don't know much about what happened. She had an aneurysm. I hope she got to have Christmas with her family first. I hope it was quick, and painless.
I don't really know what I want or need to say about this. We just got the phone call a couple hours ago. I was at her house last weekend. She gave me a Christmas gift.
I hope that I get to see her family soon and share the sorrow in the hopes that it will make it a shade easier for them to bear. And I hope that wherever she is, she's happy.

On the Fly

I know, I've got to stop with the tiny little posts and do more substantial ones more often. I did feel like I was off to a good start in November, but then life just got busy with houseguests and freelance work and such, and now all of a sudden it's December and I've barely started my Yule gift shopping. Yikes! How did December get here so fast?
Anyway. A brief update, against the to-do list I made for November. I did do two freelance projects last month(or did I do three? They've all blurred together in my head). I read three books. I started a fourth but wasn't into it, so discarded it, which only sort of counts, I know. Or I could count one of the books I proofread. I mean, I did read those . . . Anyway. I'll deliver some book reviews soon. Next week, perhaps. Let's see, what else. I did make some progress on the first two movements of the Time Pieces, but they're not performance ready or anything. I've been hampered by my lack of good reeds and my reluctance purchase more, but today I finally went out and got a box, so I should make some good headway now. I didn't manage to deliver on my novel, either. I got part of it sent out to my loyal readers. And the rest will happen over December, I suppose, so I'll have to push my timeline back a bit. I'll live.
I have to run, I have way too much to do tonight, and am expecting a phone call from my oldest goddaughter, who I haven't spoken to enough lately. Next time: book reviews, and my thoughts on the movie Twilight, and possibly a rant about buying gifts for people.
Have a good night!

Briefly

It's 5 pm, and I could be going home now, but instead I'm inhabiting my little virtual home for just a moment. I just have a couple of things I'd like to get off my chest.
First, why are plane tickets so expensive around the holidays?!? I mean, really. I don't have that kind of spare change laying around, do you?
Second, I was at my partner-in-crime's house the other day, and out of the blue he looked at me and said, "You know, so-and-so and I were talking about you the other day. The way you dress. She thinks you could really dress better than you do. And I think so, too. You know, you could do a really funky business-casual look . . ." And my only response was, "I like the way I dress, thank you, and why on earth were you discussing my style choices with so-and-so???" I was totally offended. He basically just told me that he doesn't think I look that good on a regular basis. What would you say, if your partner-in-crime said something like that? Ugh. I was disgusted at the lack of thoughtfulness.
Third, last night I dreamed that I was on some sort of trip to the west coast, and I was at this big shopping/entertainment center type place, and was wandering around with my sister J. Our whole extended family was there, and lots of friends too, including what-if boy, and I was having such a nice time hanging out with him but then he disappeared and then I had to get on the airplane to leave (conveniently located just outside the entertainment center). So J and I got on the plane to leave, but then the pilot told us we wouldn't be leaving for a couple hours, so I made them open the door and let me out. I went back into the entertainment center and found what-if boy, who said he'd left for a while because he had to go to work, or had to talk to someone, or something. And I was glad I'd found him again before I had to leave. There was an earlier dream, but it's quite hazy and vague. Something about being on a ship. There was a group of us. And we were lost, and trying to get home. The ship was large, and there was something dangerous on board with us, but I can't remember what. A vague recollection of playing some music on a record player, and an overall sense of foreboding and tension. That's all I've got for that one.
And now, time to go home. I've got quite a lot to do!

Unsure

A friend of a friend just found out that he tested positive for HIV. He is one of the safest people I know. I'm absolutely baffled. How could this have happened to him?
New York is the epicenter of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in America (to quote a website I was just reading). Approximately 1 in 70 people in New York is infected with HIV. Let me say that again: 1 in 70. That's a terrifying number in a city of over 8 million residents. The same website says that HIV is the third leading cause of death in New Yorkers below the age of 65. This worries me. No, it terrifies me. There are so many sick people out there. Are we doing enough to help them? Are they doing enough to help themselves? I don't know. It seems like no one has any real answers.
I know four people here who are HIV positive. That I'm aware of. And they are some of my favorite people here. It just makes me sick at heart to know that they have this disease eating at them. And the person who just found out? Imagine the heartache and the fear that he is dealing with as I type this. I cannot imagine having a bomb like that dropped on me. It would be devastating. I wish I could just give him a hug and tell him that everything will be all right, but I can't. Because for him, nothing will ever really be all right again.
Now, I know that there are drugs out there now that can prolong an HIV positive life by years, even decades. But that doesn't mean that he won't get sick, that he won't have hard times because of it. The other people I know who are HIV positive have had it for quite a while, and they do get really sick. Sometimes for months at a time. And every time, I worry for them. And I pray, to all the gods and goddesses out there in the universe, that they will get better.
None of these people asked for this. And now they have to deal with it for their whole lives. Hard times. Really hard times.
I don't even really know what I'm trying to say here, except to express my agony for this friend who just found out, and for the others who have lived with it for years. If there was something I could do for them that would fix it, I would. Without a question. And for you, my few readers, please, please be careful. Get tested every year. Take precautions in sketchy situations. Just be careful. And, though they're nameless and faceless for you, please keep my friends in your thoughts. I do, every day.

Post-Election Entry

I'm sure that there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there who are covering the election in detail, and have been for months, so all I will say is this: Thank the 'verse that Obama got elected! I'm excited to see what the future brings.
And on that happy note, I present to you some whining. I know, nobody really reads blogs just to listen to someone else whine, so I'll keep it brief. I started looking at plane tickets to go home for Christmas, and the cheapest one is FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. And that's before taxes and fees. Which is just awful, for a poor girl like me. But I'll suck it up and do it anyway. No way am I not going home for the holidays. and it's looking like I might be there for Yule, which would be great! I could do ritual with my friend A again. It's been years. Far too long. But ouch, that five hundred dollar ticket is going to hurt. . . .
Finished a book yesterday: The Dead Travel Fast by Eric Nuzum. It's fun reading, sort of
a cultural history of vampires, if you will. I enjoyed it. But it's not a keeper. Somehow I expected a little more out of it, I think. I wanted a little more analysis, a little more serious discussion, and this book was pretty light-hearted and anecdotal. Still, it's definitely worth a read. Reading it did make me want to go out and find a serious study on vampires in modern-day culture, or throughout history, or something.
Oh, and a big sigh of relief: I finished editing my novel. Well, I finished the first go-round of editing. Now I just have to type in all the new sections and email it out!
Anyway. I haven't done this in a while, but I thought I'd toss up some goals for November:

• read four books
• nail down the first two movements of Musczynski's Time Pieces
• type in all my edits and get my novel out to my readers
• two freelance projects
• get started on Yule gifts

I think that's plenty, don't you? I do!
I'm sure there was more I wanted to say, but it was time to go home ten minutes ago, and every time I get the blank screen in front of my my mind turns to jelly, so I'll just say ta for now, and I'll ramble on again sometime soon.

Happy Samhain!

I wanted to do a nice long rambling post today about this holiday, what it means to me as a pagan, etc. However, work got the better of me. I just finished proofreading the spring/summer catalog for one of our imprints, and now have to run home to throw something costume-ish on before heading out for the night. So, have a good weekend, and a lovely Samhain, and I'll do that long rambling post as soon as I have the Internet in front of me again!

random thoughts

• It's damn hot in my office. I shouldn't be sweating in a tanktop when it's 45 degrees out.
• My job is distinctly Sisyphean. It doesn't matter how much work I get done in any single day, there is always more work to be done.
• I've been craving popcorn for weeks now. Maybe after I get paid I'll actually buy some.
• They finally turned the heat on in my building! Thank goodness!
• I may finish editing my novel tonight. We'll see what happens. If I do, you can be sure I'll make a big to-do out of it right here.
• More people should listen to Nine Inch Nails, especially the album Pretty Hate Machine.
• Tonight I am doing yoga, working on my book, eating squash and green beans (hopefully) for dinner, and watching Bram Stoker's Dracula. My evening is full of awesome!

Killing time

That's right, I'm sitting in what-if boy's apartment, waiting for my good friend A to arrive and rescue me from my boredom. It's actually been a really nice, quiet, mellow morning. Lots of Internet time, a little Dracula reading. The wedding I'm on the west coast for is tomorrow night, so there's plenty of time to hang out and catch up with A and what-if boy. (And yes, he's totally still hot! *drool*)
What have I been reading lately, you ask? Well, the obvious answer first: I'm mid-Dracula. I've read it before, years ago, and am really enjoying reading it again. I'm just a sucker for a good vampire story and, well, it doesn't get any better than Dracula! Also . . . let's see. The Year's Best Fantasy and Science Fiction for Teens. Good collection, including two of my favorite writers, Garth Nix and Kelly Link. (Notice I didn't say favorite teen writers. That's because truly great writing transcends age labels.) I'm honestly struggling to think of the last book I finished before that; lately there's been a run of starting books, being unthrilled with them, and setting them aside. It always makes me a little sad when a book isn't nearly as good as it could be. . . .
I'm waiting impatiently for season two of Shadow Unit to start. If you're not familiar, check it out! I know the premise sounds a little strange, but really, read one episode. You'll be hooked. Well, if that's your kind of thing you will be. I loved it desperately after a few paragraphs, and have been recently haunting the message boards, waiting for a sign that season two is coming.
I'm nearly done editing my novel, hallelujah! I only have the climax and the ending to go through, and while I know I'll be adding some material, I'm not really changing anything, only drawing things out a little more, so it won't be terribly difficult. So the question that keeps haunting me is, of course, what should I write next? I'm not really to that point yet; first there will be another go-round on the editing of this novel. But I can't help thinking about it. And I've got a few ideas, as well. So, give me some input. Should I write:
1) a young adult novel about a girl who finds herself beholden to the Rat King?
2) an urban fantasy novel very loosely based on my experiences as a witch?
3) work on some short stories (eventually I'd like to do a collection of stories based on my dreams, since they tend to be very vivid and storyline based)?
4) one of the novels I started in high school/college? (I'm about sixty pages in on each, one is an urban fantasy about a woman who has to rescue her brother from the fey folk, the other is a fantasy about a thief who fulfills an ancient prophecy.) (I never said they were brlliant.)
Or 5) an urban fantasy-ish novel based on some poems I wrote in college abotu a character called Twilight Child?
Clearly my problem is not ideas, it's the time to write them all in!
One more thing before I go. I just discovered a new band, thanks to a friend of a friend's blog. Check out these guys: Natalie Portman's Shaved Head
And now, time to jet. Have a good weekend!

.

I don't have words for how horrifying this is.
What is it in the collective subconscious of America that tells people that violence like this is acceptable? How do people justify it to themselves? Is there something in the mythology of America that breeds monsters?

This week . . .

. . . finally feels like autumn in New York. It's about time!

Porn, YA novels, and dreams

I read this article about porn the other day, and found it really interesting. It has some really interesting points, like the part where it says, "A 2004 study found that married individuals who cheated on their spouses were three times as likely to have used Internet pornography as married people who hadn’t committed adultery." Interesting correlation. But I don't think that watching porn is a precursor to infidelity, or that it is definitely and always a cause of relationship problems. Hmm. What do you all think?
The other day I finished Breaking Dawn, the last book in the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer. And I have to say, I wasn't thrilled with the ending. (By the way, major spoilers in the rest of this paragraph, so if you don't want to know, don't read this paragraph.) I really enjoyed the first book. And the second one. Stephenie's characters are extremely consistent in their reactions to themselves, each other, and external stimuli, which is harder to find in literature than you'd think. I think her writing voice/style is good. It's appropriately angsty for the age of her characters and the issues they're going through. Book three was a little too angsty for me, though. It was still a fun read, but there were several moments when I wanted to reach into the text, grab the characters by the shoulders, and shake them while shouting "How could you not have seen this coming/known this/realized this??" Especially when the triangle between Bella, Edward, and Jacob got more complicated. And book four . . . I enjoyed it. The consistency was still there. It was really interesting to watch Bella go through her change into being a vampire. But I had several issues. The first time she has sex with Edward, and then the next morning he's all freaked out that he gave her bruises, frustrated me. Come on, Edward! Don't be so self-absorbed! Bella enjoyed it, bruises and all! And I felt like there was a weird lack of instinctual motherliness in Bella, after she has Renesmee. Not while she's dying and transforming; obviously she was a little preoccupied then. But Renesmee often felt more like a convenient prop than a child, to me. It rarely bothered Bella when she had to hand off her child so she could go hunting or deal with a problem or something. And the ending just felt too pat to me. Too obvious. I wanted it to be more difficult for them to deal with the Volturi without people dying. I wanted them to be wittier about it. As for the series overall, I can see how and why Stephenie Meyer made the decisions she did in her writing and her characters. And it's a good story all the way through. Nonetheless, I wish Bella had been a little more empowered, instead of deferring to Edward all the time. I wanted her to stick up for herself in an adult way more often, and be less of a petulant child about getting what she wanted. I wanted Bella to think about how her decisions affected other people more. And I really wanted Edward to be less controlling. I know he was worried about how breakable Bella was, but come on. She's still a person, not a porcelain doll. I could go on about the subtext in their sex life and Bella's subsequent motherhood, but I won't, since I'm out of time. I'll just say, I guess, that if you want to know that, or want to discuss this at length, leave me a comment.
The only other thing I wanted to say is that I dreamed about my what-if boy again the other night. And it was lovely. And certainly stemmed from my anticipation about seeing him when I am (briefly) in Portland for a good friend's wedding.
Have a good weekend, everybody!

Agh

And here again it's been over a month since the last post. No defense, no excuses. Well, except for that week and a half while I was in Seattle. Being out of town is good reason to not post.
Speaking of Seattle, it was great. The long family weekend, wherein I saw lots of family who I only see once every few years, along with my immediate, was lovely. (My sister's wee one is adorable!) The catching up with old friends that happened after that was equally lovely. All in all, a really nice trip. I did the Underground Tour, and the Adults Only Underground Tour, in Seattle with my oldest friend, which was really interesting. Did you know that Seattle started out primarily as a town of gamblers, prostitutes, and con men? You can read this for the polite version. What that doesn't tell you is that the biggest customer base that UPS had in the early years was the prostitutes, who were only allowed out on the streets during certain hours on certain days (thanks to the wives who followed their men out to Seattle after the town was "civilized" and did not like the relationships they found their husbands having . . .). So, interesting and educational.
I also saw Hamlet 2, and all I will say about that movie is that if you liked Waiting for Guffman or Best in Show, then you'll probably like this one as well. It has the same painful sense of humor.
I'm quickly running out of time, end of the workday and all. I owe you some book reviews. Those will happen soon, I promise. On the writing front, I'm slogging through a serious rewrite of the last section of my book, starting shortly after they reach the jungle city. I'm making progress, but I feel like I've come to a standstill because I keep writing more new material and not editing what's there. As long as I keep working, it's okay, right? I'd like to be totally done with editing and rewriting by the new year, so I can start submitting it.
I've also got a freelance project at home that I'm really enjoying, and I've started going to yoga once a week. It's time to get serious about treating my body better!
And now, I really need to wrap a couple things up before the end of the workday, so be patient, I promise I will blog again soon . . .

Hair

I just spent the last twenty minutes or so looking up Youtube videos of the Hair revival that's running at the Delacorte Theatre in Central Park right now. Watching it brings back so many memories of the times I performed it in Oregon. Is it possible to be homesick for a show? That's kind of how it makes me feel. I can't listen to it without wanting to sing along, to be still a part of it somehow, and I know that sounds strange, but that's how it is.

Sorry

I apparently am just a sporadic blogger at heart. Maybe it's that I only blog when I really feel the urge. Maybe it's just that my time is already overcommitted so I just don't get around to this very often. . . . Well, regardless, I do apologize. July was not the best of months in the history of me. There was a bad sunburn, and a nasty cold, and one of my books at work turned into an utter nightmare. Now I am just thanking the stars that July is over, and looking forward to having a happier, more productive August. So, without further ado, here are my August goals:

• finish editing my novel
• finish (re)learning the Debussy
• get my kitchen organized, and start on my bedroom
• get caught up at work
• read three books

There, that's not so bad, is it? I do also want to make it to the flea markets again this month. That hasn't happened since, oh, mid-June, I think. And there may be another beach trip in there, and I know there are a couple parties coming up, etc. So August will be packed full. How is it that the appeal of summer is those warm, lazy days at home, by yourself, where you do whatever you want, whenever you want, yet so few of those days actually happen?
Last night I talked to What-If Boy for a good half hour. And it was one of those perfectly comfortable, lovely conversations where we both laughed a lot, we talked about work, about family, about books and movies and just random things. It made me miss him. We used to be so close, and last night made me feel like we still are, even though we don't talk as often. It was really nice. Lately I've been rather anti-phone, but I'm glad I finally caught up with him.
I think I'll save the book reviews for next time, since I should get cracking on my pile of work today. Happy Wednesday!

Two things

First, I've realized that I don't like Green & Black's chocolate. It's expensive. It's dry, and the flavor is flat. and I now have most of a bar of it sitting in my desk drawer because I'm not really interested in it, after having a nibble. Sigh.
Second, sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice to your doorman. There's a very nice gentleman who is the doorman in the building I work in. I say good morning every day, because that's the polite thing to do. I thank him when he holds an elevator for me, etc. Well, this afternoon he called me and said "There's a gentleman here who wants to talk to somebody and I don't know who he should talk to. Will you talk to him?" I, confused, said sure. And was then regaled with this random man's sob story about how he's crippled and ill and it was so difficult for him to get here and he knows that we don't take unsolicited manuscripts but he self-published a book and it got very good reviews and couldn't I find someone to take a look at it? UGH. I repeatedly told this man that I wouldn't know who to give it to, that we don't accepted unsolicited manuscripts, that there's nothing I can do for him. His response? "Well, I could've just mailed it if I'd known I couldn't get in. Couldn't you just get me in to talk to an editor for five minutes?" NO I CAN'T. That is NOT the way the publishing industry works. And him making me feel bad about saying no after he traveled three and a half hours does not make me want to help him! If he knows we don't accept unsolicited manuscripts, why was he trying to get me to take it?
Sorry for the rant. People like that really make me angry. He does NOT get special treatment for showing up on our doorstep. He does NOT get special treatment just because his self-pubbed book got good reviews. He has to go through the process, just like everybody else. And while I was perfectly polite to this man, I really wanted to tell him to piss off and then hang up. And then I wanted to call back and tell the doorman to never, EVER do that to me again! (I'm sure he was badgered into calling someone, anyone, by this pesky guy with the book to pitch, but still.)
And now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'll get back to work. Hopefully I'll manage a more upbeat post over the weekend!

Sometimes

Sometimes it's hard to find the time to blog consistently. Sad but true. Work is a constant state of busyness for me, so personal computer things rarely happen. And when I get home I don't often want to spend time staring at a computer screen when I've just spent all day doing that! So, here I am, struggling blogger that I am. Oh well.
I've decided to take some time off from freelancing. I was pretty burned out before that last project, and it was really, really hard to make myself sit down and work on that one. I persevered, it's done, and a big paycheck is on its way, but I should not have taken that project. So, time off. I'll be broke, but I'll save my sanity. Besides which, I want to be spending a lot of time on my book right now, not other people's!
And speaking of, the editing is going a little more slowly that I would like. But it's going. And I feel pretty good about the work I've done. I'm adding some big new scenes, and sort of resculpting the rest to make it even cleaner and tighter than it was before. I've gotten some interesting feedback from several people now, which is great. Good feedback always makes me look at things from a new perspective, even if I don't actually use the feedback. I love that other people can opens my eyes to things in my own story!
Only one book that I've read recently to discuss. But that book is The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, by Michael Chabon. This was a reread for me, and I found it to be every bit as wonderful as the first time around. The language? Beautiful. The descriptions of the comic books? Brilliant. And the story itself is so touching; even those of us too young to remember the horror of WWII can empathize with Joe and Sam and Rosa through their personal trials and tribulations. The decisions that they make are so understandable, even when not entirely logical, that you can't help but agree with them. I love this book. If I ever made a top ten book list, this one would probably be on it. (Hmm, that would make an interesting blog sometime, wouldn't it?)
Anyway. There's a cup of coffee and an episode of LOST waiting for me. After that is a run, some clarinet and some bass, and then editing my book. I think it'll be a good afternoon.

the weight has lifted

I turned in an eight-hundred page freelance project on Wednesday. What a relief! With the exception of Memorial Day weekend, I've had solid freelance work since mid-March. Which is crazy. So I'm taking a month off from it. No freelancing until the new Charles de Lint comes in and it's time for me to proofread it, because oh yes, that freelance project is mine. But I need to be a little more choosy about the projects I take. Not that I mind taking projects I don't really enjoy. It's more that I've really ran myself into the ground over the last couple of months, and I need to teach myself to not do that. Taking time out for myself is important. Working on my book is important. Sleeping enough is important.
That's the theme for this summer. Treating myself with respect and doing what I need to do for my own health and happiness. It'll be good. And on that note, although there are only ten days left in June, I do have a to-do list:
- organize my kitchen properly
- make some serious headway in editing my book
- start running regularly again
- read another book or two
Sounds good, doesn't it? I feel like I'm taking it easy on myself, if that's all I've got for June, but that's enough, I think. July's list will be bigger, I'm sure.
Some recent reads:
The Book of Joe, by Jonathan Stropper: This book was so much better than I thought it was going to be! It's about a man who writes a fictionalized expose of his hometown. Several years later his father falls into a coma and he goes home for the first time since high school. And then his life falls apart. The writing is clever, the dialogue is witty, and the relationships between the characters are wholly believable. I definitely recommend this one, and I enjoyed it enough that I'll be on the lookout for his other books.
Wicked Lovely, by Melissa Marr: A great YA urban fantasy about a girl who can see fey folk, and how her life changes when the Summer King decides he wants her for his Queen. Well written; I love YA books with believable teenagers. I put this one right up there with Holly Black and Cassandra Clare, which means very high marks.
Lucky Dog, by Mark Barrowcliffe: I read this one for a book club I'm in. And it was a fun, lighthearted romp, about a man who accidentally acquires a dog and then discovers that the dog talks, but only to him. Hijinks ensue, involving a gambling ring, a dirt real-estate deal, his girlfriend, and his employee. It was fun. Not a keeper, by any means. It had some really nice moments, but it just didn't catch my attention enough.
On the subject of books, on Wednesday night I went to a reading at KGB Bar. As part of the Fantastic Fiction reading series that they host every third Wednesday, they had Terri Windling and her partner Howard Gayton. Interestingly, Terri did not read any fiction. Instead, she read from a nonfiction work-in-progress about fairy tales and folklore. Whenever she came to an actual story, Howard would take over and read aloud in a very droll, British, lovely fashion. Fascinating stuff about the history of certain fairy tales (Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty). And it really reminded me, as Mythic Journeys always does, that this is what's important to me. The act of creation, the sharing and telling of stories. The understanding of where our stories, our fairy tales, our myths, come from and why they are important. I left there feeling rejuvenated as a creative and spiritual person. I find it fascinating that certain people, certain moments, certain works of art can make me feel this way. Can actually change my outlook on things and remind me what's truly important. I just wish I had those reminders more often, because, as we all do, I sometimes lose track of my path, and wander in the woods for a time, feeling more and more lost and alone and uncertain, until one of those moments or people comes along and shows me my path again. That is what we all need to spend more time cultivating. An understanding of our path. Not just where we are going, not just where we have been or where we are now, but the whole arc of our own story, and how our stories fit in with others.
Well. After all that seriousness, I think it's time to go back to my lovely apartment for some clarinet and some writing time. I'll be back here again soon, to post about book progress and whatnot.

A proper ramble

Well. Life has been busy since my last post. New Orleans was beautiful, and humid, and amazing. I really like it there. I would live there. The history of the city is fascinating, the people are friendly, the architecture is lovely. I even enjoyed the humidity. Here's a couple pictures for you:




Gorgeous. If I had the money I would definitely buy an apartment in the French Quarter! The cemetery was really interesting, with all the mausoleums. The swamp tour was great, all cypress trees and shallow water and alligators. I, of course, got really sunburned. But it was so nice to be out of New York for a few days, and to see some of my family. There are these amazing junk shops on Decatur Street, just past the French Market; they have the neatest stuff, and it's just piles and piles of it. I bought a copper footed colander, and a malachite ring. And a partial set of silverware.
June is shaping up to be busy month for me. Three friends have birthdays, so there are a couple different happenings, plus the Renegade Craft Fair is next weekend. And I (of course) have a freelance project, and am trying to edit my own book, and I'm hunting for just the right chair to go with the desk I bought last weekend. So much to do, so little time . . .
Two nights ago I had some people over for a poker game. It was the first time I'd had people over to my apartment, and it was loads of fun. My work spouse won both games! It just means I'll have to host more games, so everyone can try to win their money back from him.
Anyway. There's more to post about (books I've read, bands I've started listening to, summer goals) but I think I'll save it for a day or two. I need to get cracking on my freelance project.

Vacation!

Well, things have been hectic, and too busy, and just plain crazed, but now I get to take a step back and relax because in two and a half hours I'll be on a plane, winging my way to New Orleans! Yeah! I hope everybody has a great weekend, and I promise pictures and a longer post when I return. Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Been a While

I know, it's been a while. Partially because I just haven't had much exciting to say. Partially because I've been, well, busy. Anyone surprised by that? No, I didn't think so.
As per usual, I've read a couple of good books lately:
Summerland, by Michael Chabon: I love this man's writing. His voice is so peculiar and unique, and so full of whimsy. Summerland is about a boy named Ethan who reluctantly plays on a baseball team and lives with his scientist father. One day he gets recruited as hero for the ferishers, the wee folk who live in his area, and crazy adventures occur where he meets werefoxes, Sasquatches, giants, baseball stars, and Coyote. It's great fun, and wonderful to watch Ethan and his friends discover themselves. That said, this isn't my favorite book by him. There is such love for baseball just oozing out of this book, I just can't quite get into that. I'm not a sports fan. But the writing is wonderful and the characters are fully fleshed out, and I do think it's very interesting how Chabon combines Native American folklore with a new angle on fairy folk and with a well-loved American pastime.
Middlesex, by Geoffrey Eugenides: I'm not even sure where to start with this one. It was great. Complex, multigenerational, full of secrets and history and seamless storytelling. The main character, Cal, is easy to empathize with. I love the Greek mythological references. And he really nailed the pubescent angst of children in a few moments. Highly recommended. Highly. I've also read The Virgin Suicides, which I think was his first book, and loved that one as well. Part of it, again, is the language. I'm a sucker for a well-written book, and this one has some great poetic moments. There are some fabulous images; the San Francisco peep show, the car careening across the frozen river, the Zebra Room speakeasy. And the way the unraveling of the grandfather is portrayed, it's just so perfect.
Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer: What a great vampire book. It's YA, but the eroticism of smell, of touch, really surprised me. In a good way. The descriptions of Washington, the perpetual damp, the fog, the greenness of everything, was dead on, and the contrast of that with Arizona was great. But the characters . . . Again, just well drawn, easy to understand. It is so easy to feel for Bella, to feel with Bella, as she falls in love, and faces huge obstacles to that love. And for Edward, too. The control he must have, at all times, to be with the girl he loves. It's amazing. I can't wait to read the rest of this series. And then I can't wait to read it again.
Maybe at some point I'll start doing more in-depth critiques of the books I read. Someday. When I have more time.
In other news, I've started editing my book. I was hoping for more feedback from more people, but if I just sit around twiddling my thumbs, I'll never get anything done. I'll send emails to a couple of people whose feedback I was really hoping for, but I'm not expecting anything at this point. And it's been nice to dive back into the world I created for this book. I still feel good about it. I still feel like the first section is quite strong. I have some big decisions to make for later in the book (Should I bring back some "bad guys" from earlier in the book, so they're not loose ends? Maybe the climax should happen from a whole different perspective. Should Jair and Nor's parting be different? Should I cut/expand some of the desert time, or some of the jungle city time?) but I feel really good about it so far. Maybe a miracle will occur and I'll get through my whole edit in May, although it might be more realistic to say mid-June.
And as for my apartment, it's coming together slowly. I'm going flea-market shopping this weekend in hopes of finding something great. I don't know what, but something. For my living room I'm going for a bright, sort of ethnic feel. The bedroom is staying softer, more natural. Not sure what to do with my entryway or my kitchen, but that's okay, I'll figure it out.
I'm vacationing in New Orleans for Memorial Day Weekend, and I can't wait! If anybody has any recommendations for places to go, restaurants to eat in, etc., I'd love it.
And now back to my overwhelming workload . . .

I don't know...

I'm having one of those wondering mornings. You know, when you wake, look around, and wonder if your decisions have been the right ones. If you're doing the right thing. If you're in the right place. Mornings like this always leave me a bit off. Most of the time, I am happy with life in the big city. But was it really the right decision to move so far away from family and friends? Am I going to be happy forever in the publishing industry? Do I really love the city? And on a smaller scale, why do I do all the things that I do every day? Do they make me happy, or fulfilled? Do I want to do those things? Am I always doing something in an attempt to avoid thinking about things?
Agh. I'm too far in my head for a workday. I wish I could just snap out of it; there's far too much to be done to spend the morning mooning about.
A friend and I have decided that this summer is going to be Operation Feel Better About Ourselves. More running, more writing, eating better, dressing better, staying in our budgets, etc. I think it'll be really good for both of us. Because lately, I've been feeling schlumpy, with no clear way how to drag myself out of it. It's less than enjoyable, but what can you do? Well, clearly you can do things to make yourself feel better. (I think I just typed myself in a circle.)
I'm procrastinating on editing my novel. Why? Well, partially because I want feedback from more than one person before I begin. Partially because I've just been too busy between moving and freelancing. And partially, I don't know. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator with my writing, I suppose it's just an extension of that. But I think that I'll try to edit the whole thing in a month. That should be doable, as long as I stay focused. I've been thinking about what I want to do with it. The ending needs to take more time, and there's a conversation between Nor and Isha that needs to happen (although it may end up happening between Nor and Jair). Maybe more time in the jungle, as well, and I wonder if I should bring Myrthe back around into it somehow. She was such a large presence in the first portion of the book, it seems silly that she just disappears. But maybe I'll save her for a sequel.
Books:
The Loss of Leon Meed: This book was a pretty unique read. The premise is that there is a man named Leon Meed, who lives in Eureka, CA, and he begins randomly appearing and disappearing. The book follows the lives of the people who see Leon, how his appearance/disappearance affects their lives, how the lives of Leon's witnesses intersect, etc. It was really well-written. And it made me wonder about relationships, and how people connect over mutual experiences, and how people interpret the mysterious workings of the universe in different ways. This was definitely an intriguing book.
Little Grrl Lost: A YA Charles de Lint book, and we all know I always love his stuff. Although, I do feel that in recent years the morals in is stories have shifted closer to the surface of things, and I almost wonder if they're starting to be too obvious. Regardless, his writing is always magical, and his integration of the fantastic with the everyday is flawless. This is a great, fun, lighthearted urban fantasy novel about a six-inch-tall girl who runs away from home.
And now, I should get to work...

Apartment

It's 6 pm and I'm still at work. What a crazy day it's been! And don't worry, I'm leaving momentarily. But internet access has been spotty at home as of late so I wanted to get this in really quickly. Just a couple of apartment pictures for you:





Obviously I have my work cut out for me! but I'm excited about it. So much space, what will I even do with it? Anyhow, I should go home and not sit in my office any more. I will post more pictures on Monday when I am done making a home out of my new apartment!

Slow down

That's what I wish life would do right now. Just a little.
I've felt anxious and restless the last few days. Part of that is just my annual springtime mood swing. Part of it is because I just have too much happening right now. I'm trying to pack my old apartment, paint my new apartment, proofread a book, and work full-time. And maintain some semblance of sanity. Admittedly, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread sometimes! Part of me is starting to get very nervous about whether or not I can get everything done that I need to do. But another part of me just keeps whispering "Be in the now," and I'm trying to listen to that part. Because every moment is special, and every day there are things to love and enjoy and be happy about and get inspired by. And I'm trying. That's all I can do.
I was thinking about the concept of spring break recently. Several blogs I read on a regular basis have recently mentioned spring break, be it plans for theirs or their children's, etc. Wouldn't it be nice if everybody, on the whole planet, got a spring break? Think of how nice it would be to get a week off to go play, like we did when we were in school. What would you do with your spring break? Sometimes I think I would travel. But other times I think I would just stay at home and do the things I love to do. Create, create, create! Think of how much you could squeeze in to one whole week without work! And how much better would everyone feel afterward, simply because we had time to recharge our batteries! I think it's a great idea. Maybe we should start a petition. In an abrupt change of topic, I've managed to read a couple more books recently. Eat, Pray, Love is a simply gorgeous book, shot through with humor and pathos and brilliant moments of insight. Liz, the author, spent a year essentially trying to find her balance, and herself. There were several moments when I really, really empathized with this woman. It's an amazing thing to read about her grappling with her inner demons, and more amazing that instead of just accepting her suffering she worked through it and moved beyond it. Now, we aren't all lucky enough to spend a year traveling in Italy, India, and Indonesia to exorcise our demons and recenter ourselves spiritually, but there are lessons in this book that we all can carry with us. We do not have to let life beat us down. We can all take care of ourselves. The world is a beautiful place that will take care of us if we let it. There is so much more to it than that, but I'll leave it on that note.
The other book is very different: Night Life, by Caitlin Kittredge. It's a dark urban fantasy about a werewolf detective named Luna. I really enjoyed this one. It's edgy, and sexy, with characters who aren't afraid of anything, it seems. The world that Caitlin built is solid and interesting, with a lot of depth and style. But I do want to say that, to me, it feels like a first book. There's nothing wrong with that at all; but there were a couple of moments where I felt like the characters didn't need to be quite so in-your-face badass, and one moment where I entirely disagreed with how Luna reacted to a situation. It just didn't feel like how she would have reacted. However, that said, this was a really fun book. And I'll definitely be picking up the future Nocturne City books by Caitlin.
It's that time of the afternoon where I wrap up my work, sneak out to Home Depot to buy a screwdriver, and then spend several hours painting my new apartment. Wish me luck, and hopefully I'll post a few pictures within a couple days!

Waiting

I know that 95% of you lovelies are already aware of this, but I'm going to address it briefly anyway. I'm moving into my own apartment next weekend. I love my partner-in-crime but I am so excited to have my own space again! However, a couple things have to happen between now and next week. I have to paint the apartment I am moving into, which will be fun. I always enjoy projects like that. I also need to finish packing, which I am strangely not really worried about. It'll happen, or it won't, whatever. I'm not moving *that* far away, so it's no biggie if a few things get left behind on moving day. But, most immediately, a friend is giving me a bunch of furniture, and we've got to move it. This afternoon. But, of course, complications arose with his storage unit, etc., so I have been sitting in his apartment waiting for him to get here for a good hour now. YAWN. I don't mind the waiting so much as the nagging feeling that I should be accomplishing something with this time. I hope that makes sense. There's just so much to get done, including a big freelance project, that I don't feel like I have the time to just sit around like this. But I can't really complain because my friend is being so generous with his belongings. So, I guess I'll just keep waiting. Maybe I'll go read a book or something.

last night

I wrote this post last night, but then the Internet got rather noncooperative, so you get it now:

It's been way, way too long since I last blogged. And no good reason for it, either, beyond being more socially active than normal, and just being busy. I've read a couple of good books recently.
Tender Is the Night: A classic. And yes, for book club. I thought it was interesting. Such decadent characters, literally and emotionally. People fall in love within minutes, and that can last so long. I suppose F. Scott Fitzgerald was trying to illustrate the corruption of richness. Or how easy a relationship can go from sweet to sour. Or both. I had a hard time discerning the point. It was sad to watch the marriage between the two main characters dissolve, and I thought that the love of the young actress for the husband was interesting in that it seemed such a fleeting thing but then lasted for years. I think this book is a great meditation on relationships, and how people can affect other people both for better and for worse.
She: A precursor to the modern fantasy novel. This one was so good! I had a hard time getting into it, possibly because of the voice and style it is written in, but once I got past that I really enjoyed it. The story of two men venturing into the unknown to discover both their past and their future, and finding lost lands, savage peoples, and a mysterious immortal queen. It was easy to empathize with Holly, the older and wiser of the two men. He was very wise, and yet still susceptible to the wiles of the foreign lands and people he encountered. And Ayesha, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, what a fascinating woman! Two thousand years of knowledge resting in her white flesh. Two thousand years of love and longing and passion and pain. She really is a tremendous character, and the choices she makes are sometimes nearly unfathomable. Sometimes. I often empathized with her, at times unwillingly, even. It was impossible not to. She waited two thousand years for her love to return to her; when he did, how could she not do everything within her power to assure his continued presence by her side?
Work is going well. It's still quiet. I am about to start freelancing for companies other than my own, which I am really looking forward to. I know, I'm a workaholic. Can't really help it. And I'm excited to see what other people throw at me.
Still waiting patiently for feedback on my novel. I've gotten a little from a couple people, and it's a good start, some good things to think about, but I'm itching for more. I'd like to start editing in a week or two. I don't want this book to take me as long to finish as the first one did. I mean, every one is a learning process and will move at its own speed, but I still feel like the first one took an inordinately long time. And I feel good about this one; I know that it will only improve with editing, and I'm really looking forward to putting this one out there and seeing if I can get a little interest from an agent. Even if they don't want this one but want to see the next thing I write, that's still a good sign.
I can feel spring in the air when I walk to the subway in the morning now. It's still cold out, still winter-jacket weather. But I can smell it, I can almost taste the spring coming. And with it, change. I can't wait to see what it brings.

Sick again

I've been sick twice now in the last month, and I'm getting a little tired of it, I must say. My partner-in-crime is currently watching the most grating television show ever, so I am hiding on the bed with my headphones and my laptop and a pile of magazines. Today has been strangely nonproductive for me; I gave in to the siren call of doing nothing, since I have no energy anyway. I did, however, go see The Spiderwick Chronicles, and really enjoyed it! It's different from the books. As Holly Black (the author) points out on her blog, Book 4 is missing. But it really was so good. The characters are fleshed out, the fairy folk are amazing, and the whole thing is just fun. Go see it. If you have any iota of love in your heart for urban fantasy movies, go see it.
I also finished an interesting book last night; It's called The Last of Her Kind by Sigrid Nunez. It's about two girls who are roommates their freshman year at Barnard in the Vietnam era, and how their relationship affects them both throughout the years. It's written as one of the women, looking back on her memories. This book was a different one for me, definitely a far cry from what I usually read. But I really enjoyed it. It was more a study on relationships than anything else, on how people affect each other, and how decisions affect more than just the people who make them.
And now, attention and energy failing, I will go aimlessly flip through my pile of magazines.

I don't even know anymore

I never was good at that title concept, anyway . . .
There are many, many things in my brain that I always tell myself I will blog about. But then I get here and I always end up talking a little about work, a little about writing, and a little about life. So, today I'm going to change it up and talk about a couple of things in particular. (When I should be working on my freelance project, of course!) So here goes.
Babies. They're everywhere! I love them. But what is it that makes everyone feel that it is so necessary to breed? I don't understand. Why do people look at me like I've grown a second head when I tell them that I have no desire to have children? It's my body, and my life, and my choice. While I have the utmost respect for women who choose to bring new life into this crazy, messed-up world, I am simply making my own choice. To not. And that doesn't make me any less of a woman, or less of a person. People have told me, regularly and fairly often, that I would make a great mother. And I probably would. (Not ego, just lots of practice with godchildren and nannying!) I just don't want to. Sigh.
I just saw the movie Juno with a friend of mine, and that character, that Junebug, she really took the hard road, I think. She chose to have the baby and then give it up for adoption. It was really quite admirable. And I think the movie was well done. I enjoyed it. The dialogue was clever (sometimes almost too clever) and it took teenage angst to a very interesting level with the pregnancy. When I was in high school, one of my very good friends had a baby three months after she turned sixteen. I remember how people looked at her strangely. I remember how people talked. And watching Juno really took me back to all that.
When I got home I decided to check a couple of blogs, just to catch up, before I sit down to proofread some more. And what did I discover? Laini Taylor is pregnant. I love her writing, and I love her blog, and I'm very excited for her! But it just makes me think about babies, and how people make decisions about babies, and also how people compromise for babies. I know that have a child is a courageous and brilliantly creative act. Maybe I'm not that courageous or not that creative, but if I always wonder: How does having a baby affect one's creativity? One's productivity? I don't think I could do it. Selfish it may be, but I don't think I could. I chose to be childfree and I love my life the way it is. With lots of other peoples' children happily in it, and none of my own.
On a completely unrelated topic: I have been having some issues in my personal life lately. You all probably already know that, my readership of approximately five women! And I have discovered that I am scared. Scared that I am doing the right thing. Scared that I am doing the wrong thing. Scared that there will forever be a lack of understanding. Scared of being mistaken. I don't want to be paralyzed by fear, but I am having doubts in both directions and don't know how to set myself at ease. I worry. And I wonder. And I don't do anything. I've never been particularly strong about things in my personal life. But I can't let inaction make a decision for me, either. I feel like I have backed myself into a corner, somehow, and I'm not sure what it means yet. People have been quite patient and supportive, and it means a lot to me to have that around me. Lately people have also made some rude/snarky/uncalled for comments, and while I know that it's meant with the best of intentions, but it doesn't help. Especially on days when I'm already scared (and PMSing). I just hope that whatever happens, eventually there is a good level of understanding . . .
I know that was pretty vague. I prefer it to be like that, as I didn't start this blog to talk about the inner working of my private life. I suppose it's a bit of a tease, and I hope nobody minds too terribly. It's the best I could do just now.
Anyway, I should go work on my freelancing. Or play my clarinet, or something, but I am desperately trying to finish this project. I hope everybody's having a good weekend!

Wednesday

This morning was lovely, all blustery and crisp and gray. Very West Coast-ish. Made me pine for it, a bit. It's blue skies now, quickly moving toward that perfect blue-time, my favorite time of day . . . So. The typing on my novel is going slowly. S L O W L Y. I suppose it's my own fault, since I took a freelance project on as well. But still, I'd like to have it typed and e-mailed to my readers already! Soon enough, I suppose. A friend at work may give me the names of some agents who deal with fantasy novels, which would be lovely of her. I have a good feeling about this book. My writing has improved, I feel. And I must be honest and say I'm looking forward to writing some short stories and doing some brainstorming while I'm waiting for my readers to dig through this draft!
On the work front, somehow all of my archived e-mails disappeared from my computer on Monday. I spent some time being stressed and angry, but I'm done with that. There's nothing to be done, so why tie myself up in knots over it? Still, it's hard to move forward without all the stored knowledge that was in my archives. I'm working from memory right now, and from the few e-mails that other people have kindly sent to me from their archives. Also, the new assistant will be starting on February 11. So that means that I'll be promoted on that day. I'll have an office. An office! with a door to close! I'm so excited!
And now I should run, as I'm meeting friends for drinks momentarily. . . This was a run-by blog, I guess!

Agh!

Why are there never enough hours in the day to do everything I want/need to do?
Sigh . . .

Exciting news!

I know, I should've blogged about this sooner. I kept trying. But work, being work, is busy and takes up all my time when I'm here, so I have a lack of time for things like blogging about important things. But all that is beside the point because I finished the exploratory draft of my second book! Sunday, January 13, around 9:30 in the evening. 303 handwritten pages. I'm so excited!! Now I'm typing the whole thing. Which is going slowly. But that's okay. It's kind of interesting to go back to the beginning and read how it started as I type. See what turns of phrase I used then, watch characters evolve over the course of the novel . . . Fun. I've lined up several readers, so I'll get some good input.
And on that note, I should run home to type and make music. I'll write more this weekend.
Blessings!

Bad witch

I meant to blog while I was on vacation. I meant to blog before vacation. Somehow, it just never happened. The time to blog never opened up before me. And abruptly we're a week into January! How did THAT happen?
In all seriousness, the week before work was SLAMMED. I was absurdly busy the entire time. So busy that I slipped a little; I forgot one or two things; my performance was less than 100%. At least I took care of all the big messes that needed to happen before Christmas. And coming back to work this morning for the first time in two weeks wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be. I'm so, so lucky to have my work crush to cover for me while I'm away. He always does brilliantly! Speaking of him, though, he made me a little jealous today. He apparently met a girl over the holidays who he has been corresponding with. Who he is attracted to. Oh, jealousy! It snuck up on me and pounced! I, of course, told him that she can't have him. He's mine. He thought I was funny. It's strange, isn't it? I enjoy the wanting with this boy. I don't think I'd enjoy the having nearly as much, never mind the fact that I would never go there because I work with him. But still, he gives a little attention to another woman and I go all green-eyed monster on him . . .
Anyway. Vacation was nice, for the most part. I don't really have the time or the energy to blog about it right now, so this will have to suffice: I always love seeing my family. I have a hard time constantly being around people. Two weeks went by very quickly. It was a little nuts. Ran into a couple people from my past, which was startling. And by the time I came back to the city, I was VERY happy to be coming home. I flew at 6 AM yesterday, still night sky slowly fading through a perfect twilight/predawn blue into some lovely pink and gold tones and finally morning as my plane winged its way east. Then we flew right over Manhattan, so close that I could pick out the building I work in! Beautiful. Just beautiful.
I have nearly finished my book. I know, that was a December goal, but when you're on vacation things don't always work out the way you plan them to. I figure I'll be done in a week, then I'll spend two weeks frantically typing, then I'll take a month off from this story. If anybody out there wants to read it and give me input, leave me a comment. But please, don't say you'll do it if you're not going to have the time for it. That way you won't feel bad about it.
And now, dears, I'm going to run away home, where my instruments and my writing are waiting for me. I swear it'll be less than three weeks before I blog again.