I don't know...

I'm having one of those wondering mornings. You know, when you wake, look around, and wonder if your decisions have been the right ones. If you're doing the right thing. If you're in the right place. Mornings like this always leave me a bit off. Most of the time, I am happy with life in the big city. But was it really the right decision to move so far away from family and friends? Am I going to be happy forever in the publishing industry? Do I really love the city? And on a smaller scale, why do I do all the things that I do every day? Do they make me happy, or fulfilled? Do I want to do those things? Am I always doing something in an attempt to avoid thinking about things?
Agh. I'm too far in my head for a workday. I wish I could just snap out of it; there's far too much to be done to spend the morning mooning about.
A friend and I have decided that this summer is going to be Operation Feel Better About Ourselves. More running, more writing, eating better, dressing better, staying in our budgets, etc. I think it'll be really good for both of us. Because lately, I've been feeling schlumpy, with no clear way how to drag myself out of it. It's less than enjoyable, but what can you do? Well, clearly you can do things to make yourself feel better. (I think I just typed myself in a circle.)
I'm procrastinating on editing my novel. Why? Well, partially because I want feedback from more than one person before I begin. Partially because I've just been too busy between moving and freelancing. And partially, I don't know. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator with my writing, I suppose it's just an extension of that. But I think that I'll try to edit the whole thing in a month. That should be doable, as long as I stay focused. I've been thinking about what I want to do with it. The ending needs to take more time, and there's a conversation between Nor and Isha that needs to happen (although it may end up happening between Nor and Jair). Maybe more time in the jungle, as well, and I wonder if I should bring Myrthe back around into it somehow. She was such a large presence in the first portion of the book, it seems silly that she just disappears. But maybe I'll save her for a sequel.
Books:
The Loss of Leon Meed: This book was a pretty unique read. The premise is that there is a man named Leon Meed, who lives in Eureka, CA, and he begins randomly appearing and disappearing. The book follows the lives of the people who see Leon, how his appearance/disappearance affects their lives, how the lives of Leon's witnesses intersect, etc. It was really well-written. And it made me wonder about relationships, and how people connect over mutual experiences, and how people interpret the mysterious workings of the universe in different ways. This was definitely an intriguing book.
Little Grrl Lost: A YA Charles de Lint book, and we all know I always love his stuff. Although, I do feel that in recent years the morals in is stories have shifted closer to the surface of things, and I almost wonder if they're starting to be too obvious. Regardless, his writing is always magical, and his integration of the fantastic with the everyday is flawless. This is a great, fun, lighthearted urban fantasy novel about a six-inch-tall girl who runs away from home.
And now, I should get to work...

Apartment

It's 6 pm and I'm still at work. What a crazy day it's been! And don't worry, I'm leaving momentarily. But internet access has been spotty at home as of late so I wanted to get this in really quickly. Just a couple of apartment pictures for you:





Obviously I have my work cut out for me! but I'm excited about it. So much space, what will I even do with it? Anyhow, I should go home and not sit in my office any more. I will post more pictures on Monday when I am done making a home out of my new apartment!

Slow down

That's what I wish life would do right now. Just a little.
I've felt anxious and restless the last few days. Part of that is just my annual springtime mood swing. Part of it is because I just have too much happening right now. I'm trying to pack my old apartment, paint my new apartment, proofread a book, and work full-time. And maintain some semblance of sanity. Admittedly, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread sometimes! Part of me is starting to get very nervous about whether or not I can get everything done that I need to do. But another part of me just keeps whispering "Be in the now," and I'm trying to listen to that part. Because every moment is special, and every day there are things to love and enjoy and be happy about and get inspired by. And I'm trying. That's all I can do.
I was thinking about the concept of spring break recently. Several blogs I read on a regular basis have recently mentioned spring break, be it plans for theirs or their children's, etc. Wouldn't it be nice if everybody, on the whole planet, got a spring break? Think of how nice it would be to get a week off to go play, like we did when we were in school. What would you do with your spring break? Sometimes I think I would travel. But other times I think I would just stay at home and do the things I love to do. Create, create, create! Think of how much you could squeeze in to one whole week without work! And how much better would everyone feel afterward, simply because we had time to recharge our batteries! I think it's a great idea. Maybe we should start a petition. In an abrupt change of topic, I've managed to read a couple more books recently. Eat, Pray, Love is a simply gorgeous book, shot through with humor and pathos and brilliant moments of insight. Liz, the author, spent a year essentially trying to find her balance, and herself. There were several moments when I really, really empathized with this woman. It's an amazing thing to read about her grappling with her inner demons, and more amazing that instead of just accepting her suffering she worked through it and moved beyond it. Now, we aren't all lucky enough to spend a year traveling in Italy, India, and Indonesia to exorcise our demons and recenter ourselves spiritually, but there are lessons in this book that we all can carry with us. We do not have to let life beat us down. We can all take care of ourselves. The world is a beautiful place that will take care of us if we let it. There is so much more to it than that, but I'll leave it on that note.
The other book is very different: Night Life, by Caitlin Kittredge. It's a dark urban fantasy about a werewolf detective named Luna. I really enjoyed this one. It's edgy, and sexy, with characters who aren't afraid of anything, it seems. The world that Caitlin built is solid and interesting, with a lot of depth and style. But I do want to say that, to me, it feels like a first book. There's nothing wrong with that at all; but there were a couple of moments where I felt like the characters didn't need to be quite so in-your-face badass, and one moment where I entirely disagreed with how Luna reacted to a situation. It just didn't feel like how she would have reacted. However, that said, this was a really fun book. And I'll definitely be picking up the future Nocturne City books by Caitlin.
It's that time of the afternoon where I wrap up my work, sneak out to Home Depot to buy a screwdriver, and then spend several hours painting my new apartment. Wish me luck, and hopefully I'll post a few pictures within a couple days!