books, books, books . . .

Happy Saturday, kittens! Lately I've been thinking about books a lot. Okay, I always think about books a lot. But what I'm thinking about right now are reading goals for this year. (Yeah, I know, maybe I should've thought about that in December? Oh well!) I have a pile of books I am partially through that I put down for various reasons. I think goal number one is to finish those books. Goal number two is to read forty books this year. That's not a lot, but given that I read for my day job and my freelance work, I think forty books read purely for pleasure is a reasonable number to shoot for. Goal number three is to read books by authors who are not straight white men. It's okay if some of the books I read are by straight white men, but I want that to be less than aquarter of my pleasure reading for this year.
What are your reading goals for the year?
Blood and kisses!

follow me down to the river

Just another summer day here in the center of the universe . . .
How's everyone doing? I can't believe it's mid August already. I've gotten a lot of writing done this summer, but not as much as I'd hoped, as always. Still, I broke 50k on the novel first draft, and I'm doing a heavy revision on the novelette right now (it'll be a novella after this go-round, ha!) and I've drafted a couple short stories. I've started pondering Janny and Syska again too; I'll get back to them this fall. And the ideas. Like ripe fruit ready for the plucking. I have so many ideas right now! Anybody need some?? I could set up an ideas-for-sale booth in the goblin market, and make a killing.
I've read a few books since last time I was here. In no particular order:
13) Phantom Pains by Mishell Baker. The sequel to Borderline. I enjoyed this one, can't wait for book three!
14) The Girl from Everywhere by Heidi Heilig. Holy wow I loved this YA time-travel adventure. It's so much more than that, though! Family, and time travel, and love, and sailing the open seas! I'm buying the sequel after work. Seriously, read this book, everyone!
15) Grim Tidings by Caitlin Kittredge. Fast and furious and grim and gallows humor. Everything I'd hoped for. I can't wait to read the sequel to this one!
16) The Refrigerator Monologues by Catherynne Valente. As always, Valente kills it in this. The voice and narrative styling are amazing, the stories are great. She's a writer's writer. Everything I've read by he has been stunning.
17) Snow White graphic novel by Phelan. This is a lovely retelling of Snow White in NYC as the Depression hits. The story works really well within that setting; I quite enjoyed this.
18) Gideon by Alex Gordon. Whoa. This is a creepy paranormal thriller. I was all in, the entire time I was reading. Definitely recommended. A third one on today's list for which I can't wait wait to read the sequel!
My struggle these last couple weeks has been feeling unseen. Does this happen to any of you? It doesn't matter what you say or do, it feels like people just don't see you? I've really fallen down that rabbit hole, and it's time to fix it. I'm working on the attitude. I'm dressing differently than usual. I might *gasp!* start wearing a little makeup sometimes. Anything to pull myself out of this bullshit beaten-down rut I've been in.
Let's be honest, sometimes it's hard to be happy. Especially given what's happening in America these days. So tell me, please, one thing that has made you happy in the last couple weeks. It could be anything from getting married to reading a good book to signing with an agent to meeting a cute puppy this morning. I want to hear it!
And now I have to get back to work. I'll come back soon.
Blood and kisses!

so many days

Hello lovelies, it's been a while! As always, I didn't intend for it to be so, but life happens. I've been pretty preoccupied between day job, freelancing, writing, music, roommates, the state of politics in America today, etc. But there have been good things happening. I attended the Rainforest Writing Retreat in March, and wrote 27,000 words in five days! I've written a couple short stories! I'm on my second round of revisions on my novelette! 4th Street Fantasy was two weekends ago, and was amazing as always! My longest-standing friend in the world and her husband visited last weekend!

And of course, I've read some good books this year  (super short comments on each because otherwise I'd be here for hours):

1) Descender vol 1. WHOA good sci-fi graphic novel.

2) Pretty Deadly vol. 1. You dig weird Western? This is crazy good!

3) Nimona by Noelle Stevenson. This graphic novel got me right in the feels. Loved it!

4) Life Without a Recipe by Diana Abu-Jaber. I love everything she writes. She uses the English language so beautifully, I fall into her words.

5) Last First Snow by Max Gladstone. Everything Max writes is brilliant.

6) Blackbirds by Chuck Wendig. This was like reading an action movie!

7) The Archived by Victoria Schwab. Atmospheric YA. I need to get the sequel.

8) The Walls Around Us by Nova Ren Suma. This is some creepy YA! So good!

9) Black Dog by Caitlin Kittredge. Action-oriented, out-of-the-norm urban fantasy. I just picked up the sequel.

10) The Silent Woman by Janet Malcom. REALLY interesting book about Sylvia Plath!

11) Once Broken Faith by Seanan McGuire. I love the whole Toby Daye series.

12) An Unkindness of Magicians by Kat Howard. Kat blows me away, everything she writes is amazing!

I'll be focusing on my writing for the summer, but I'll be dropping by here every so often to update you all on how that's going. My goals are to finish revising the novelette and start submitting it, and to have a finished first draft of the novel I'm powering through. And to spend more time reading! What's everyone else's plans for the summer?

Time to get back to writing. Blood and kisses, everyone, I'll be back here soon.

moon-shaped

Agh, that frustrating moment when you had a blog post mostly written and then your draft disappears . . . Ah, well. I'll do my best to re-create it.
I feel as though I am continuing to improve, a little bit every day. I'm writing pretty regularly. Only a new project, though: I'm not prepared to revisit the projects I was so bogged down in before. I think it'll be a while yet before I do look at those again. Work has calmed, and so has home (as much as home can when sharing space with so many people). I was recently on vacation for a week, and it was very nice to not be in the city, to have some time away, to catch up with people. Of course I missed my cats terribly, though, and they were both angry at me when I got home!
I can't wait for autumn to really begin. I am very ready for chill, crisp air; for sweaters and boots; for the changing of the leaves, and bonfires, and tea, and cozy nights at home reading.
Books!
15) The Thorn and the Blossom by Theodora Goss. This is a beautiful story of love and magic. The language is lush, and both characters felt very real to me. Definitely a keeper.
16) Full Fathom Five by Max Gladstone.I've nattered on about the Craft Sequence books before. They're brilliant, engaging, and very different from other fantasy series out there. Keepers, every one. Max is a great writer, and also a great speaker; if you get the chance to see him, be it a reading or a panel at a con or whatever, do it.
17) Daughter of Deep Silence by Carrie Ryan. I devoured this YA novel of revenge and hidden identities. It's a fast, smart, dark read that you will fall into. Definitely worth reading!
18) A Green and Ancient Light by Frederic S. Durbin. This is a quietly beautiful book about war and love and loss and magic. It surprised me, to be honest; I felt very emotionally connected to the characters and the story almost immediately. Every action is believable, the love is palpable, and every moment of tension is had me in suspense. Please check this one out; it's lovely.
And now, on with my Sunday. I have today off from pool, hurray! So I'm doing some things around the house, some freelancing, and running a couple errands. I'm so used to my Sundays being occupied that having the entire weekend free feels decadent.
More soon. Blood and kisses!

too hot to be clever

It's been hot as hell in New York for the past week or so, and we are all slowly melting into the concrete. It's incredibly difficult to find the fortitude to work on anything at all when the heat is leeching away your will to live.
That said, I just finished a rush proofreading project. Can't wait for that check to arrive so I can throw it at my credit card! Between that and doing several critiques for writer friends recently, I haven't managed to finish reading any books. I'm working on it though; today I started reading The Thorn and the Blossom by Theodora Goss, and I'm partway through a few others. Book updates soon, my dears!
I've continued to putter around with whatever occurs to me, writing-wise, but I think in September I'll get back to Janny and Syska. I do rather like a couple of the things that I've been poking at over the last couple of weeks, though. . . .
Also in September I'm visiting family for a week. I can't wait!
This Friday is my last summer Friday in New York before said family visit. My plan is to sleep it, do some writing, do some reading, and maybe play a video game or watch a movie. Or maybe I'll go to the park, or the Cloisters. . . .
That's all for now. Sorry to be brief, but I don't have a lot to report. Hopefully I'll have more to discuss soon.
Blood and kisses, all!

this is your wilderness

I wrote the following two weeks ago, and then was unsure to post because I don't want to sound whiny or like I'm asking for attention or anything. Sometimes things need to be purged, though, and blogging is a good way of getting things out of my system. Sometimes things seem more approachable once I write/talk about them. So, older part of this entry:

 

Last weekend was 4th Street Fantasy, and this year was every bit as good as last year. Great people, conversation, panels. Late nights. I stuck pretty close to my VP classmates who also attended; I've been feeling tentative and unsure about things lately, so I needed that level of familiarity this year. I did meet some lovely people, and renewed acquaintance with some others, but that was mostly alongside my VP tribe.
Why am I so tentative and unsure these days? I think it's a slurry of several factors. I've been exhausted for a long time: work has been busy as hell and went pear-shaped a couple weeks ago when a higher-up left. We're working it out, and I think it'll be fine in another week or two. But transitions are draining. Things at home have been stressful, but we finally found a new roommate!! And I'm changing how I approach certain things, in the hope that that lessens the stress. On a whole other level (I'm sorry if this is a bit much but I think it's important for me to address it), a week and a half ago in Manhattan I saw a woman in the street just after she'd been hit by a car. I saw her, not surrounded by paramedics or anything, just lying there beneath the bumper of the car. I saw where she was bloodied from the collision. And that fucked up my head pretty solidly. I think about her a lot. And last but not least, I don't feel good about my writing right now. It's difficult for me to do it at all. I'm worried that my ghost/witch novel is not the right story at all for those characters. I don't know that I've figured out the right climax for Emmelina, and I've no idea how to get Janny to the ending of the novel. I feel stymied.
I need quiet time this summer. Down time. Alone time with books and movies and long walks and more books. And writing, once I find a level of comfort with it again. Self-care is important, and it's time for more of it.

 

I've lightened up a little bit since then, though the writing struggle continues. This last weekend I went out of town, and though I didn't really get any writing time while I was away, at least I got a change of scenery and a few days off work.

I've read a couple books lately:

11) A Rose-Red Chain by Seanan McGuire. Another solid entry in the October Daye series, and I can't wait for the next one!

12) Two Serpents Rise by Max Gladstone. This is the second book in the stunning, original Craft Sequence. I really enjoy Max's writing; his characters are well-fleshed-out, his language is vivid, as his world-building is incredible. Haven't tried him yet? Start with the first book in the series, Three Parts Dead!

13) The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison.Well-crafted characters, great court/political intrigue. I REALLY liked this one, and would happily read more in the series if more get written.

I've decided against Readercon this year, and Worldcon as well. There are multiple reasons, but the biggest one is that I have been pushing too hard for too long, and it's time for some self-care. So here's to a quiet, well-rested, creative July and August for us all. 

tattered lace and faded dreams

I'm thinking of taking a day off next week; I've been struggling with that overwhelmed feeling again. I think it's partially because I have so many problematic titles at work right now, and partially because I haven't been really on top of getting things done at home so I feel like I'm behind. BUT. I'm taking my daily vitamins, I'm drinking a lot less, I'm reading more. I'm not writing more yet, but I'll get there. I had a neat idea for a story the other day; hopefully I'll get around to writing that soon!
Two books to talk about:
9) Half-Resurrection Blues by Daniel Jose Older. WHOA. This book is a crazy rush. It's intense, and amazing, and I totally fell into this book. It's about a guy, Carlos, who's an inbetweener; he works for the New York Council of the Dead, and then shit happens. I need the next one!
10) City of Savages by Lee Kelly. This story is built on a lot of despair and rage. It's New York, two decades after WWIII. The city is a POW camp. While following on family through a stretch of their lives, you also learn what happened during the war and after, and how it became what it became. It's definitely a good read. Not a keeper for me, because I probably won't read it again, but I certainly enjoyed it.
I'm not sure how it got so late already. Per usual, I didn't manage to do half of what I intended to do this evening. I should go squeeze in a few minutes of work on something. Blood and kisses!

far to fall

Happy belated Beltane, everyone! Did anyone celebrate it? We had a nice brunch on Sunday before heading to our pool match.
This week has been chilly and damp. It's nice to have the rain; hopefully that means a good gardening year for everyone. We're getting a late start on. Our garden. Between freezing temps through the end of April and a bad springtime cold sweeping through our house, we haven't planted anything yet. I want to at least get some tomato starts happily settled into backyard pots this Saturday, and maybe some morning glories to cover an ugly section of fence, but that depends on how much freelance work I get done in the next couple days.
I managed to read another book! 7) The Escapement of Blackledge by Mary a Robinette Kowal. And okay, novella, but that still counts! It was her April Fools joke this year; she posted in for sale on Amazon as fan fiction under a different name and then watched a people tried to figure out who wrote it. It's erotic Glamourist fiction. Amusing!
I also read the first episode of Bookburners, from Serial Box, and quite enjoyed it. I'm not sure how to count those in my book tally; maybe one season equals one book? So I'll put an (8) here and update you all when I read more of it.
Well. Time to settle in for the day. I'm hoping to carve out some writing time this weekend around the copyediting, since all I have left to do on my middle-grade project is to rewrite the climax and the ending. It's coming together.
Blood and kisses, everyone!

i'm slipping under

I am Zombie-Lauren again today. That's right, sleeplessness struck again last night; I got around five broken hours of sleep is all. Everything's a little foggy, a little hazy around the edges. . . . I'm trying to ignore it and function as usual, but the lack of sleep does make things feel dreamlike.
I'm writing this while waiting for the subway to my polling place so I can vote. Another Tuesday evening, another packed subway platform. Then home to do some cooking and some freelance work. Exciting!
I finished a book the other day:
6) This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab. New YA!! So good! It's a fascinating take on dystopian American society, plus monsters. It's not released yet so I won't say anything more than that, but as always I really enjoyed V's world building, story, language, and pacing. Definitely recommended!
I have some more writing from friends that I need to load onto my Kindle and devour, which I'm looking forward to quite a bit. I'll report in as much as I can about those things!
I may be joining a second writing group. I know, I know, I was just talking about over commitment the other day. But I'm already trying to write regularly, they only meet once a month, and they're local VP grads. How could I not?? However, that means I need to throw together an audition story to send them, and in my sleepless fog, that feels a little daunting. I don't want to send them something from a while ago, or a MG thing, or a novel chunk. I want to send them something fresh. I know I've been improving. I guess I just have to hope the gods grant me a good night of sleep sometime soon with a good chunk of writing time directly following it.
Blood and kisses!

colorful but passing out

Odd dreams the last couple nights. In one I lived happily in a small town, the kind with sweet little antique shops and bookstores and cafés lining Main Street. I was sitting out front at an open-air restaurant at a long time with a group of friends. It was an idyllic moment: good company, good conversation, good food, good wine.
Last night there were two. The first one I only remember a flash or two. I was visiting friends at a decrepit, moldy house with my oldest goddaughter. It felt dystopian somehow, like the whole world was just scraping by. Then later I was at a riverside house. I was wearing all dark shades of blue: sweater, skirt reminiscent of a tutu, two layers of tights, leg warmers. It was cold out. We had to leave for some reason, so I went out onto the riverfront deck am stripped off my tights so I could put my feet in the water. There was a floating railroad tie chained to the deck for people to hang on to while in the water; I tried to put my feet on it hit it kept floating away. And then the fey rose from the dark of the river, pale and bloated and mysterious in their gold crowns, begging me not to leave.
And then this morning I dreamed about a serial killer. At first I saw the crime scenes. Then I watched him in action. He was tall, almost absurdly so, and slender mop of blond hair, black close-fitting stretchy clothing like a dancer. He waited at an apartment door until the couple opened it to leave, then knocked out the man with a kick to the head. Then tied the woman to a chair and began tormenting her; not hurting her, it was clear that that was to come and he wanted her well and truly freaked out before he got to the physical part. The aesthetics of the apartment looked very '80s to me. The way the killer staged everything and treated his victim felt like a performance. So . . . murder as performance art. Strange. Thoughts, anyone?
I've also read a few books so far this year. Not as many as I'd like, of course, a few is better than none!
1) TD by KA. Not published, can't discuss!
2) BC by AJ. Also not published, can't discuss!
3) Borderline by Mishell Baker. This is a great book. Quality representation of disabled and mentally othered characters, plus fey folk! This is well written, interesting urban fantasy with a good story and interesting characters. I would have liked the climax and denouement to take a little longer, but that's my only quibble. If you're looking for an urban fantasy, give this a shot!
4) Friends with Boys by Faith Erin Hicks. I can't say much about this graphic novel without giving something away, but there's a lot here for people to relate to. A smart teenage girl, family issues, navigating new friendships and the aftermath of old, all with a nice paranormal layer on top.
5) Roses and Rot by Kat Howard. No spoilers, since this isn't out yet. It's about relationships, about the ties that bind, about the power of art and of magic, about how far some people will go for success. This book destroyed me and put me back together one bloody piece at a time. The language is beautiful and visceral, and there are some particular aspects to it that got me right in the belly, lungs, heart. I will come back to this book again and again.
That's all for me tonight. Time for some taxes and some writing.
Blood and kisses!

a new blog post for a new year

Well, here we are. January, 2016. Last year went by in a blur. I’m not going to dwell on 2015; there were a number of things about it that were not good. But there were some other things that were good. It was a year of transition, and those are always difficult. Now I’m choosing to look forward. The transition year has left me poised to move ahead confidently in the direction of my art, and I’m excited to do so. I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions, but I like to do goals, so here are my (vague) goals for 2016: Take better care of myself. Write more. Freelance less. Give myself more down time. 

How about you? What are your goals or resolutions or dreams for 2016?

I will tell you one highlight of 2015: my partner-in-crime and I adopted a kitten. We still have Zoe, our smart, beautiful, antisocial girl who is now almost nine. And now we have Isabel. She's a delightful terror, and is eight months old. I'll post some photos at some point, I promise.

I read a lot more books than I blogged about in 2015. There’s not time to discuss them all, so here’s a list of some of my favorites from last year that I haven't mentioned previously: Magonia by Maria Dahvana Headley, The Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace, Chimes at Midnight and The Winter Long by Seanan McGuire, Uprooted by Naomi Novik.

I’ll leave you with links to two blog entries that I read the other morning and found inspiring:

https://mariadahvanaheadley.wordpress.com/2015/11/06/taking-writing-risks-new-adult-novel-sold-to-fsg-and-more/

http://pacificrain.blogspot.com/2016/01/2016-new-direction.html

Blood and kisses, and Happy New Year!

since i could say

It's been a while. I'll not make excuses; I feel like I do that so often when I come here. It is what it is, and that's all. A few things of note have happened:
Writing the Other, the workshop I attended in June that was hosted by Mary Robinette Kowal, was amazing. Three days of intense lectures and discussion about how to approach race, sexuality, disability, history, etc. in writing, followed by three days of writing time. I made some good friends, and write a lot of words, and had some great conversation. And baked pie with Mary and Stina, and played LARP croquet. It was perfect. I find myself still mulling over points made in various discussions, and I definitely view books I read through a different lens than I did previous to this workshop.
Shortly after attending Writing the Other, I found out that I was accepted to Viable Paradise, a weeklong writing workshop held every October in Martha's Vineyard that's taught by prominent editors and writers in the SF/F community. I'm going to Viable Paradise!! YEAH!!
Pool: I'm finally settling into my game and improving as a player. Which is great. Both teams I play on are doing really well this season, and I'm really enjoying it.
We've managed to go camping twice now this summer, and it's been SO NICE to get out of the city. Both camping weekends were beautiful, lots of mellow time around a campfire. Reading time. The second weekend I was barefoot most of the time, reconnecting with the earth. I need to do that more often, out of the city, feet on the dirt, surrounded by trees.
Last weekend we spent at the beach with a friend and her family. Like the camping weekends, it was great to get out of the city and breathe in the salt air of the ocean. We were on Fire Island, which is a phenomenal beach, clean and lovely. And I only got a little sunburned.
Books:
12) The Near Witch by Victoria Schwab. This book has a fantastic eerie fairy-tale quality to it. Definitely recommended.
13) Queen of Kings by Maria Dahvana Headley. Cleopatra as undead? Awesome! Seriously, this is a good read. A grim, unsettling version of what happened to Cleopatra and Antony. I can't wait to read more from Maria Dahvana Headley.
14) Shadowfell by Juliet Marillier. I really enjoyed this read. It's about a young girl in troubled times in a fantastical land who loses her family and is helped along her journey to figure out who she is and where she belongs by several mysterious figures. Great fantasy YA. And the first in a trilogy, I believe; I'll have to go find the others.
15) Sixty-one Nails by Mike Shevdon. One of the blurbs on the cover of this urban fantasy says, "Neverwhere for a new generation." I don't think this one is quite as good as Neverwhere (which is one of my most favorite books ever) but I did really enjoy this. It's dark, but it has a sharp sense of humor and the fairy folk are interesting, not the traditional elves etc. I definitely want to read the sequel.
16) The Gaslight Dogs by Karin Lowachee. This was a really interesting read, especially through the lens of the Writing the Other workshop. Picture an alternate version of early America, when the white settlers were fighting with the Native Americans, but add expeditions to the north, one of which brings home an Inuit girl suspected of witchcraft. It doesn't actually take place in America, but the parallels are clear, and it was really interesting to read the approach to both Sjenn (the Inuit girl) and the interactions between the colonizers and the oppressed indigenous groups. While I was somewhat dissatisfied with the ending--I felt that there was more story to be told--I thought that Lowachee did a good job with approaching writing other cultures carefully and respectfully.
17) Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone. Holy hell I enjoyed this book. Magic, fantasy, corporate intrigue, dead gods, and gargoyles; what's not to love? The writing was snappy and sharp, the characters well drawn, the plotting tight. I'm excited to read the rest of this series. I'd recommend this to anyone who likes fantasy.
I did a good job taking care of myself this year until this summer, when I sort of fell off the wagon. Not that I've been crazy, I just have fallen out of my good habits. On Friday I reinstituted them. So far, so good!
And now, I've got four and a half hours until pool starts. I intend to write 500 words, edit at least five pages of Emmelina, start my proofreading project, and handwash some sweaters before I have to leave. Think I can do it? I do! Happy Sunday!

never afraid to burn

End of May already. Half the year is gone, nearly. That went really fast. Most of it is a blur of freelance work, but right now I'm in the middle of my freelance hiatus. Last weekend we went camping! It was so nice to get out of the city for a couple days, to be out in nature. We cooked over a campfire. We went for a hike. It was great.
I've been spending regular time on my writing again, and I really want to keep it up all summer. Next week I need to send my application for Viable Paradise, and the week after is the Writing the Other workshop. This Friday is my first summer Friday, and I can't wait! Farmers market, and writing time, and a bike ride. And who knows what else?
Books:
10) Fathomless by Jackson Pearce. I loved this. Such a great, interesting take on mermaids! It's kind of a creepy book, honestly. I can't wait to read more books by Pearce. It's a keeper!
11) Ashes of Honor by Seanan McGuire. Sixth book in the Toby Daye series. As always with this series, this book raked my heart over the coals. This one wasn't quite as grim as the previous couple in the series, which I was grateful for. These books are difficult, and intense, and they're probably the best urban fantasy series I've read in the last couple years. I can't wait for more. Everybody should read them!
I'm in the middle of approximately four other books at the moment, so I'm sure I'll have more to report soon.
And really, I don't have much else to say today. That will change at some point, I'm sure, but right now I'm just trying to redevelop good habits and get a lot of writing done. Happy Wednesday, everyone!

the breeze drifts on by

The world just keeps on turning, doesn't it? Whether or not you want it to, life just keeps on plodding along, and the commitments keep on stacking up, and the work, and the lack of time and sleep and energy. It's intense. And it's such a fine line for me. I am happy beyond happy that I am fortunate enough to spend all day every day working on books. To surround myself with story, with language, is a blessing. But sometimes I get swallowed whole by other people's stories, and lose track of my own. And that's what has happened for a good portion of this year so far. There's some irony there, in spending so much of this "year of me" on other people and their work so far.
Please don't take this as a horrible complaint. I take full responsibility for it. I, and only I, have made the choices I have made. I accept that. I accept them. I also accept the fact that learning how to focus more on myself, on my own wants and needs, is more than the flip of a switch that I thought it would be. It takes time. And effort. And frustration, and more effort. But I can get there. And I will.
Only two freelance projects stand between me and the time to write again. So I'd best hurry through them.
I think that part of the problem is a sense of validity. With my day job and my freelancing, I can go to bookstores and point out tangible proof of my efforts. I help other people improve their art. With the writing, there is no proof of anything yet. It's intangible. Which means that I don't always feel that it's valid to take time away from the tangible money-making tasks to indulge in the act I am most passionate about. Intellectually, I know that's silly; I need to spend time on my writing in order to improve, in order to find an agent, in order to sell books. Emotionally, even though I inch closer and closer to it, I think I'm still afraid of taking the plunge and truly focusing on it, truly pushing myself. I need to figure out how to get over that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life improving other people's art, as nice and fulfilling as that is. I want to spend the rest of my life improving MY art.
Anyway. A book and a dream for you, and then I need to get back to work. So without further ado . . .
9) The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater. Why on earth did I wait so long to read this book? I love everything I've read by Maggie, and this one is no exception. It's beautiful and sharp and cuts like a knife, and it hurt SO GOOD to read this. I love Blue and Adam the most, though the other raven boys are endearing, too. I love Blue's strange family, and how the weird is the normal, for them. I have the next book, and will read it soon. Some books/authors just cleave to your soul and never leave, and that's how I feel about this series and Maggie's Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy as well. They turn me inside out, they make me cry and give me hope all at once.
Dream: Last night, it started with a little boy. I was on some sort of public transportation (train or bus, not plane) and he was with his mother across the aisle and I think one row of seats up. He was upset, and his mother wasn't succeeding in calming him down. I got tired of his wailing, and asked if he would like to sit next to me and color in my notebook with my pen. He and his mother accepted, and he sat with me for however long we were all on the train. And by the end of it I was fast friends with him, and his mother adored me. Then the scene changed; I was in a swamp, I think, surrounded by green trees covered with ropey vines that seemed as though they leaned down to greet me as I passed. I was working at some sort of waterside (partially floating) plant nursery, I think it was. I was moving potted plants, talking to people, that sort of thing, although it had a bit of a museum feeling to it as well. A gaggle of girls showed up, and in my dream I had flashes of memory about hanging out with one of them; we were good friends. She was the older sister of the boy I'd befriended on the train, and at this point I was friends with the whole family. I left work to hang out with the girls at the family's house, which was huge and labyrinthine. We were eating snacks from the fridge and generally being saucy girls, laughing and trying each others' clothing on and etc. Then I scene changed again, I was no longer at the house. I was maybe at my own? Although I don't recall what it was like. What I do recall is calling my friend, but her mother answered, and she wasn't there. "But Edward is, why don't you come over to hang out with him?" I was intrigued. I knew there was an older brother but didn't know him, so I did. I let myself in and went to his bedroom door and knocked, and when he said I could enter I slowly pushed the door open and he was laying in bed, only his face and a bit of dark curly hair showing. I gave him a flirty smirk, and at the same time I could tell that there was something really wrong with him that only I could fix. (Truly. This was not a "Fix the bad boy's attitude" thing. He was ill, or hexed, or something.) So I made friends with him and I was healing him with plants and such, and got so comfortable with the family that I was basically one of them, although Edward stayed fiercely self-conscious around me. For some reason I thought of him as the Sea King, though if that was true or not I don't know. I wish I'd stayed asleep through the end of the dream to see if I'd healed him; he was only partially better when I woke.
And now, back to work so I can finish these projects so I can get back to mine. Happy Thursday!

i need to clear my mind

There's a new moon today. About five minutes ago, actually. The new moon is a time for sowing new intentions. So tell me, world, what are your intentions for this moon cycle? My intent is to continue trying to focus on myself and my writing. Sometimes that necessitates taking a detour into a lot of freelance work (we all need money to take care of ourselves!), which is a bummer, but so be it. So this moon cycle is about focus and about looking forward, for me.
I dreamed last night that a very dear friend of mine had cancer, and that my parents and I were his primary caretakers as he moved toward the end of his illness. It was heartbreaking, but it was also amazing to spend such raw, honest time with him.
Several strange dreams recently: The previous night I was running a secret gambling hall set above a bar. Invite only, you had to be told where it was, etc. I lived in the space, so did a family of cats, and most of the people who came for the gambling were pool friends in real life. Another night I dreamed about the two children I used to take care of, but in my dream they were teens and living in a house in a smaller town residential neighborhood instead of an apartment in New York. Another night I dreamed about two tribes of post-apocalyptic survivors. Mine was a group of traders, salvagers, who lived in a rubble-filled city and kept giant ledgers of trading records. Nearby in the wilderness was a much more savage tribe that used sex and slavery as power tools. One of my tribesmen defected to (or was stolen by) the other tribe, so I went looking for him. Uncomfortable. And in another dream, the devil himself was leading me and a friend through an ever-shifting series of landscapes until we arrived at his home, which was a fancy, beautiful old mansion (think 1900s New York mansions on Fifth Avenue, not big sprawling English estate mansions). We were there so he could keep us safe, but then there was a big party and this other demon showed up on a rooftop terrace with my brother in tow, and I wanted to rescue him.
See? Strange.
Two books: 7) Copperhead by Tina Connolly. This is the sequel to Ironskin, which I quite enjoyed. I had a harder time getting into this one. The switch in main character had something to do with it, and I felt like this one was really slow in getting to the interesting parts. I enjoyed it, but I don't think it's a keeper for me.
8) Carnival of Souls by Melissa Marr. I've read most of the books Melissa Marr has out there, an generally, I really enjoy her work. (Especially Graveminder. That's one of the best fantasy books I've read in the last several years!) So I was excited to dive into this one. But it left me feeling very conflicted. Of the two main characters, I only liked one, which means I really struggled with getting through parts of this book. Aya really caught my attention. She's smart, and desperate, and willing to do what it takes to make her world better. Mallory, on the other hand . . . She's been kept in the dark about who she is for her whole life, and has a lot of prejudices that her father taught her. I struggled with her because she's weak, and (especially early on) whiny about her life. If there's a sequel, I'll probably read it; I do want to see where the story goes. But this one is not a keeper for me.
And now, I need to get back to my kimchi (I should really do a homesteading post soon about what I've been up to in the kitchen lately) and then do a couple hours of freelancing before I go to pool this afternoon.
Happy Sunday, lovelies!

nothing is taking me down

Almost two weeks ago, I woke up sick in the early hours of Monday morning. Aching body, tired mind, warm throat that felt swollen on the inside . . . Fun. As a result I didn't do much that day (well, I didn't do much for me), and as a result of that, I didn't sleep well. But when I did finally get some sleep, I had horrible dreams. The first one I have only a very vague recollection of, but it was about hanging out with a friend who was near to death from cancer. In the second one, the earlier parts are flashes of scenes. Walking around downtown in a town that looked like Eugene, sort of. Running up a muddy hillside in bare feet, with a dog at my side. I was wearing a dress. And then I was in a big homeless shelter that was built in the forest outside of town, it was a sprawling place of tubes and tunnels and stations within it for food and sleep and hanging out with people. I was walking around it with someone else, maybe I was doing an orientation with them? Or giving them a tour? Regardless of the specifics, a homeless man with a gun (a rifle or a shotgun or something) came in while we were there and shot a lot of people. The noise was horrifying, and there was blood everywhere, and people screaming. I saw two headless bodies on the floor. It was awful, and waking up from it was awful, too.
Well, I meant to blog that a week and a half ago, but never made it back here to finish the post. So you get a couple posts crammed into one. The sickness from the first paragraph didn't last long. Thank goodness, because the last two weeks were very busy. You see, I gave notice at my job, so they were my LAST two weeks at my job. My old company has hired me back to fill a higher position than the one I left a year ago, which is really exciting! Equally exciting is that I'm taking a week off between jobs, so today is day one of my time off. I plan to do a lot of work on my novels, and do a lot of work on my apartment, and get some exercise and play my instruments every day. And read! Speaking of, here are some books for you:
4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer vol. 4. I always love reading Buffy. Enough said.
5) Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse? by Max Brallier. This was a lot of fun. Max, who's an ex-coworker of mine, created a sharp, fun choose-your-own-adventure for adults full of zombie gore and good humor. I read through it a few times, making different decisions along the way, and really enjoyed it!
6) One Salt Sea by Seanan McGuire. This is the fifth Toby Daye book, and as always, this series left me a little brokenhearted for Toby. Life is hard and never gets any easier for her. There are flashes of happiness and brilliance, but there are also serious consequences to her actions, and difficult decisions. I wept at the end of this book. The sixth book is out, and I have it, but I decided to give myself a break emotionally by reading something else. Don't take my words as a negative review, though. I adore this series; it's one of the best urban fantasy series I've come across in the last several years. I'll keep these books forever and reread them every so often. Love these books.
This morning I had another strange dream. It was in the early years of the twentieth century. The suffragettes were a new movement, life felt somehow innocent but somehow complicated at the same time. My family had a large estate, and we were hosting some sort of party/celebration. I was wearing a simple, flapperlike dress, wandering around our home. A man cornered me--he looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman--and asked me to do a spiritual healing on his back. He took off his shirt and stretched out facedown on a settee in the hall. He had a giant purple bulbous growth on the back of his lower skull that hung down like an eggplant, and on the left side of his torso there were strange horizontal scar lines. He said that he could feel evil spirits living in the scars and asked me to pull them out. So I did. (I think I cast the evil spirits into a nearby houseplant, for lack of anywhere better to put them.) He thanked me profusely and a little awkwardly, and lumbered away after replacing his shirt. I went to the backyard. It was nighttime, and there was a swimming pool and many people around. I remember having a conversation with a young man, though I don't recall what about. There were several conversations with my sisters (my real-life sisters) and my mother (also my real-life mother). The extended family were not my actual family. There was something about riding somewhere in a car and being uncomfortable. . . . Something about a sport of some kind. Something about wanting to travel, or being envious of someone else who had traveled. And there were whispers about the suffragette movement, and I had a flash image in my head, sort of a black-and-white news reel, of watching women in uniform getting shot and killed. One of them was related to a friend of mine, a sister or mother? I saw her fall and then I saw a picture of her tombstone overlaid on her body, but it didn't have her name on it, because being a suffragette disgraced your family. At one point someone turned on a radio so there was music wafting on the breeze. And then an older gentleman in my family began to speak very negatively about the suffragettes, and I was all riled up (I don't remember why) so I started shouting at him that women are people too and deserve equal rights and how dare he treat his female family members like subpar humans, and on and on, and he scoffed at me so I said "Fine, maybe I'll join the suffragettes!" And he got very angry with me. I wish I could recall more of the conversations. I know I was in and out of the house several times with different people. I know there were younger children about, playing in the pool and on the grass.
On that note, my partner-in-crime isn't feeling well and is therefore already asleep, and I think I may join him in that. I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday night!

way down by the sycamore tree

How's 2014 treating everyone so far? Things are okay over here. I wrapped up all of my freelance commitments so I've finally gotten back to editing. Emmelina and the Rat King first, and I'll follow that with the ghost/witch book. I feel like I'm really moving in the right direction with both of them. The climax in Emmelina needs a solid edit and cleanup, but I like where it's going. I'm still torn about what to write next, though. I've been thinking about the fey folk/secret society project for a while now, but for some reason I'm not totally convinced. Maybe that's just because I haven't properly focused on it, but maybe it's a sign that I should write something else next. Maybe my zombie novel? Something to think about. I'll keep writing short stories in the Twilight Child universe, regardless of what novel comes next. I know that eventually the Twilight Child materials will turn into something bigger, but I'm not ready for that yet. She's been in my head for so long; I really want to do her and her world justice, and I don't think I'm quite there yet.
It's been quite snowy and cold here in NYC. I know many people don't enjoy it, but I do. I'm a winter girl. Give me the cold snap, give me the air so frozen that taking a breath is like taking a drink of cold running water, give me the drifts of snow clinging to sidewalk and car and fence. It makes me feel happy, and calm, and in balance. That said, I do enjoy all four seasons. But winter is my favorite.
I've only read three books so far this year. I blame that on all the work I did in January. There's time to catch up! My goal is forty-five books again this year. And, while three doesn't sound like a brilliant start, I did reject five or six other books between these three, so I'm going through my books at a decent clip even though I'm not reading all of them!
1) Blood Magic by Tessa Gratton. I love this book. LOVE. The characters, the magic, the shifting undercurrent of tension. It was really well done. It's about magic and love and family and death and making choices. Go out and buy this one; you won't regret it! I can't wait to read more of her books!
2) Sandman Slim by Richard Kadrey. This one knocked me off my feet, too, although it's extremely different than the first book I read this year. This one is gritty and snarky and dangerous and downright funny at times, and you can't help cheering for Stark as he tries to get revenge for the murder of his girlfriend.
3) The Hum and the Shiver by Alex Bledsoe. This book is a really interesting take on magic, family, and war and music. Highly recommended, especially for people who like urban fantasy and folk music.
And now, I have a lot still to do today, so I'm off to do it. Happy Saturday, everyone!

long time time coming

To wrap up last year . . . I'm embarrassed to say that I think I forgot a book. No, I know I forgot a book that I read. I got to thirty-nine. But I can only recall two I've yet to blog about, and the last book I talked about was number thirty-six . . . Bother. Here are the two I can recall:
37) The Fox Inheritance by Mary Pearson. This is the sequel to The Adoration of Jenna Fox, which I read a couple years ago and fell pretty hard for. This book takes us along for the ride with her friends Locke and Kara, the other two who were in the car accident with her. It's pretty intense, and tightly constructed. While I didn't enjoy it as much as I did the first book, this is still a great read, especially the moments when Locke is struggling to come to terms with who and what he now is. If you've read the first book, definitely follow it up with this sequel.
38) The Dark Crystal: Creation Myths, Vol. 1. Love. I love everything about the Dark Crystal universe: The characters, the animals, the land itself, everything. I wasn't disappointed with this graphic novel. It's a few different shorter stories strung together, which is fun, and Aughra is there, as always. I read this as part of my research for writing a last-minute submission to the Dark Crystal Author Quest, and can't wait to get my hands on the second volume!
39) UNKNOWN. Damnit.
So, diving headlong into 2014: I'm still struggling through my freelance commitments. One to go. I'm determined to take February and the early part of March off from freelancing so I can focus on editing my novels. And more ideas, I always have more ideas. There aren't enough hours in the day for all of the things I want to do, all of the stories I want to write.
Sometime early this morning I dreamed. I was in a fancy restaurant that I think was mostly empty.I was sitting across from a nice older man, he seemed sweet but somewhat self-conscious. Sandy brown hair. Kind eyes. His name was something fairly common, Richard or something. I don't recall for sure. We were talking, and when I paused in the midst of something, he handed me a ring box. He stammered a bit over his proposal while I opened the ring box, and cocked my head like a bird to look at the ring. It was made of some metal that was darker than gold, and had three sides to it. Two sides had a number of small diamonds set in two distinct patterns. The third side was one giant stone, a sort of orange-brown color with a million tiny facets cut into the face. There was a little card in the box that called the ring a huckleberry ring, or raspberry/huckleberry setting, or something. I looked at the gentleman proposing to me for a long moment. I wasn't in love with him. But he could provide something important: safety, security, home. So I said yes. He was very happy, and a group of other people came in and swept me up to prepare for the wedding. Some girls I know were in the crowd but I can't recall who. Then things get murky. Something about being outside, and a car, and maybe a dead body? And being questioned about my engagement/marriage. I mostly just recall sitting at the table and thinking it was okay that I didn't love him. That he was exactly what I needed.
And now, I'd best go. I have a bit more work to do tonight, and a busy day tomorrow. Good night, everyone!

one slip was all it took

Look at that. It's been two months again. I think one of my New Year's goals needs to be "pay more attention to social media." I keep meaning to blog more, and I keep just not getting around to it.
Several books to report:
31) The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. This book is horrifying. The culture it depicts is repellent. It's an interesting, important look at the direction our culture could go in if things go horribly awry, and I'm glad I read it, but I can't say that I'll put myself through it again.
32) Late Eclipses by Seanan McGuire. This is the fourth book in the Toby Daye series, and as always with this series, I loved it. I love the characters, and the way the action plays out, and how imperfect everyone is. People make mistakes. Sometimes other people die for them. This book isn't as bleack as book 3 was, but there's a real sense of desperation and loss in this one. And of building tension, like a storm is brewing. Really, this is some of the best urban fantasy I've read in years. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
33) Timeless by Gail Carriger. This is the fifth and final book in the Parasol Protectorate series. I loved the first four books, but this one . . . I have to be honest, I feel like this book is trying too hard.I wanted to know how the series ended, so I stuck with it, but I wasn't nearly as enamored with this one as I was with the previous books. Which was disappointing.
34) Stories edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio. This short-story anthology was hit-or-miss for me, but there were a couple stories in it that made it a keeper for me. Kat Howard's "A Life in Fictions" and "Joanna Harris's "Wildfire in Manhattan" in particular.
35) Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion. I loved this. It's such a different take on the zombie idea. I love the characters and how they evolve in relation to each other, and it's well written, and I thought the whole thing was really refreshing. I definitely recommend this one to anybody who wants a good story to read!
36) The Venetian's Wife by Nick Bantock. I enjoyed this one, but not nearly as much as Bantock's Griffin and Sabine trilogy. I don't think it's a keeper for me, largely because I don't think I'll reread it. But it's an engaging story and an enjoyable read.
I've had a hard time with books lately. I keep picking things up only to find that they don't appeal to me. It's strange. I have so many books I know I'll adore. I'm sort of leaving those be, for now, for the most part, to try the iffy ones first. I could always stop that and pick up something that I'm sure I'll love, but it's more challenging to sift through the unknowns.
My parents came to town for a week recently, which was really lovely, and now I'm on Christmas staycation. I'll really try to blog once or twice more before I go back to work in January. I'm also trying to get through some writing projects, and some things around the house that I've let languish while I have been doing an excessive amount of freelance work for the last two months.
Happy holidays, everyone!

breathed so deep i thought i'd drown

Well, everyone, I feel like I'm really starting to get into the thick of it. I'm delivering my manuscript in a week for that professional critique. I did register for Mary Robinette Kowal's workshop next June, "Writing the Other." I thought of another middle-grade book I'd like to write. I'm continuing to re-evaluate other aspects of my life, and I do feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction.
With those things in mind, I do have more work I should be doing right now, so I'll keep this brief. I have three more books to report:
28) Fray by Joss Whedon. This is a graphic novel in the Slayer mythos, but set in the future. I went into this read knowing I would love it, and I was not disappointed. I did love it. Melaka Fray is a great Slayer, complex, more sassy than Buffy, but also less knowledgeable. I really liked the ragtag family she'd built for herself. I'd love to read more about her. The storyline was solid, and I want some more!
29) The Coldest Girl in Coldtown. Ah, Holly Black, you kill me. Your books are so damn good. All the time. Seriously, this book was a lot of fun. It put vampires squarely where the belong: in the "predator" category. Tana is a fairly regular girl caught up in irregular happenings, and she handles them with aplomb and just the right amount of shock at the right moments for her to be quite believable. The Coldtowns are a great idea, and I love how this book takes our world and tilts it just a little bit so things feel familiar, but off-kilter. It's almost our world. Almost here and now. Except for the vampires. This is in my top five for this year. Definitely a keeper, and I'm already looking forward to reading it again!
30) Doll Bones by Holly Black. Yeah, I read two books by her in one month. October just feels like the right time for Holly's books. Doll Bones is a middle-grade book about a trio of preteens and what happens when their regular game takes on a life of its own. This is great creepy writing. It's a ghost story and a coming-of-age story all at one. Holly's books really made my October great!
And now, back to it. Two chapters left to edit, and a little tidying outside of that, and I need to deliver the novel on Friday, November 1. I can do it, I just need to say focused. On that note, I'll be back to report after I submit my novel for critiquing.
Happy October, everyone!