Saturday morning

It's been a good morning so far. Leftovers for breakfast, and a big cup of English Breakfast tea with milk and honey, and the November issue of Vanity Fair, and a mixed CD that a good friend made for me a few months ago. It's been quiet, and relaxing, and good for my sanity. Maybe eventually I'll do the dishes, take a shower, get dressed, and do all those things I want to/should do today. But not yet. Right now I'm just enjoying my solitude.
It's time for some new music, I think. I've been listening to the same few CDs over and over again lately. Time to branch out a bit. But branch out with what? I don't listen to the radio much, so I'm not finding new artists that way. I do read Rolling Stone, and look up artists and bands that pique my interest, but generally I'm not really impressed with where more commercial music has been going. I'm still waiting for Tom Hayes to release some sort of recording so I can listen to him obsessively. (My dears, if you haven't listened to this man yet, look him up on myspace NOW and prepare to be utterly blown away.) I think that what I need right now, what I'm looking for musically, is something more organic. Something a little earthy, a little more real and true than a lot of what's available right now. Not asking for much, am I? If anybody out there has any good recommendations, I'd be much obliged if you'd share.
So, it's brainstorming time. I've been working on this novel for a few months now. I'd like to wrap it up in time for the first of the year. That, however, involves knowing the rest of my plot. I know I've talked briefly about this before, and what a problem it is that I don't know where I'm going. So, here we go: Essentially, my book is about a small group of slaves who escape from their owner. (Bear in mind, fantasy novel, so it takes place in an alternate world.) My characters flee through the desert, into the jungle, where they encounter some primitive tribal people. These tribal people are convinced that two of the escaped slaves are actually jungle goddesses and try to kidnap one of them. The escapees flee further into the jungle and are found by an envoy from the jungle emperor. He and his retinue "convince" my characters to go to the secret city in the heart of the jungle to meet the emperor. From here, I'm not sure what to do. Do the slavers from the desert city show up and demand their property back? Do my characters go back to the desert city and lead a citywide uprising against slavery? And what happens with the jungle emperor? Why does he want to see them? I think he tries to keep them; it goes along with the whole escaped-slaves-confused-for-jungle-goddesses idea. How do they escape? What do they do? Where's the climactic moment? Maybe there's no big showdown, no uprising. Maybe they just escape from the jungle city and decide to go their separate ways to find the homes they lost when they were captured by the slave traders. But a book without a climactic moment is lacking something. Maybe the climactic moment should be an inner struggle, not an outer one. I do focus on one escapee in particular. Her name is Nor. She has a really difficult time with the concepts of freedom and family since she's never had either. So maybe the climax is just her learning how to make decisions for herself, learning how to want, allowing herself to feel what she wants to feel. Hmmm. Thoughts?
On a further writing note, I was sitting on my stoop reading the other night and got an idea for another book. How many of these are floating around in my head at this point? Quite a few, I have to say. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do anything except sit around my apartment and write. How amazing that would be . . .
Unfortunately, reality intrudes. I've got some things I'd like to do, so I'd best go do them before the BF gets home. But first, more relaxing, more reading, more music . . .

Autumn

Autumn is desperately trying to reach New York City right now. It happens in fits and starts. A chilly morning here, a rain squall there. It's creeping in, slowly but surely. And it's lovely.
I've been feeling pretty anxious over the last couple of days. Somehow half of October has slipped past me and I haven't DONE hardly anything! There's so much I wanted to do with this month, and I just don't think that there's the time for all of it now. I suppose that's what I get for being an overachiever, but still, I'm disappointed with October, so far. And I foolishly accepted a freelance project for this weekend (I've got to learn to say NO!), so there's not much hope of working on things in the next couple of days either.
What else is there to say? Things have gotten all twisty and complicated in my head and my heart. I'm pretty confused, and a little scared of the intensity of what's in my mind right now. I'm seriously contemplating some pretty big changes. Hard changes. We'll see.
On a lighter note, I did manage to visit my sister, and learn the Saint-Saens Sonata, so that's at least a little progress on my to-do list for this month. And a friend of mine just got a new job at Simon & Schuster that she's going to love. Congrats, D!
There's a lot more that I'd love to say, but right now I just don't have the time or the words. And since I'm sneaking time at work, I'd best get to it . . .

Busy, busy

Obviously it's been a busy couple of weeks. I keep meaning to write but somehow the time just slips away from me and it keeps not happening. I also no longer have internet at home, so I must sneak in my blogging time at work. Poor me, poor me . . .
This last weekend my boyfriend and I went upstate to visit my sister before she moves to Las Vegas for her fabulous new job. We had a great weekend, I think. A long bike ride on a couple of stylish Del Sol cruisers, an afternoon shopping in Kingston (across the water in Canada), a long walk, a two-hour boat ride on the St. Lawrence River. I have something terrible to admit, however. I would have had a better time had my boyfriend not gone along. Now, I promised myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't be one of those bloggers who only talks about her love life, and I intend to stay true to that. So I won't go into details. I will just say that it would have been even more relaxing and fun without the testosterone present.
That said, I'm very excited for my sister! This new job is a great opportunity. It's closer to our family, focuses on a number of things she's very interested in, the pay is better and so are the benefits . . . There's really no downside. Thank goodness for Las Vegas!
I've been lacking in motivation lately, and I can feel it. I've been a little sluggish, a little nonproductive, and that tends to make me cranky. So I've made an ambitious to-do list for this week, and a larger one for the month of October. Can I do it? Who knows! But I'll do my best, that's for sure. Last month I accomplished some of my list. We'll see if this month I can do a little better. The current list, as it stands:

--write forty pages
--brainstorm the plot for the rest of my book
--learn the Saint-Saens Sonata on my clarinet
--visit my sister
--clean out the drawers in my old map-drawer roll-top dresser
--make two collages
--submit my book to Tor and Simon & Schuster
--learn three new songs on bass, and work on my slap technique

Did I post my September list? I honestly can't remember right now. If I did, then it's obvious that there's some overlap between months. But we'll see what I can do.
And now, I should run home so I have an hour to myself before the partner-in-crime arrives . . . But don't worry, I won't be so neglectful in the future. No long silences, no absence from my cyberhome.

Totally irrational

Today, I am having an irrational day. I can't help it. I'm not sure what happened to my mind, but it's just not itself today. I'm wildly all over the place. This morning? A little bleary-eyed and tired, but chipper nonetheless. Lunchtime? A break with the work crush to celebrate him finishing a big work project, wherein I smoked two menthol cigarettes (!) and somehow told my work crush that I could, and will, write thirty-seven pages in my book this weekend. Thirty-seven! And then I ate lunch, a lovely gouda-with-cumin and avocado sandwich on wheat bread. That may have been the most stable moment of the whole day. This afternoon? A total inability to focus on anything other than http://theblackapple.typepad.com/somegirlswander/ because I wish I dressed more like that. AND THEN my work crush decides it would be amusing to tell me he's been emailing with some other girl for hours and that's why he hasn't been emailing me, and I should try to guess who it is. I told him I didn't believe him. He told me he was upset that I didn't. That right there should have made it blatantly obviously that he was lying through his teeth to get a reaction, but I got all riled up. I know he was looking for the reaction. I know he wanted to see if I would get jealous. And I STILL couldn't help it. He got more of a reaction than he bargained for, I think. I stopped responding to emails. Then I had to take something to him, so I went downstairs and did so and tried to be friendly. So what does he say? "Let's bail early. We could go get a drink. Just you and me. And my new friend." I'm sure that my cheeks went cherry red. I said something to the effect of "I have to leave now," spun on my heels, and left. I heard him behind me make some noise of worry and discontent and I didn't really care.
Why does he have to be so good at pushing my buttons?
Anyhow. I apologized for reacting irrationally, and he apologized for thinking it'd be funny in the first place, and I think we're okay. Except for the fact that I actually reacted that way. It was a little too illustrative of my crush. And he asked me why I got mad, of course, to which I replied "It's not a good idea for me to answer that," and he said "That's what I thought." See? NOT GOOD, ladies. Not good.
So. Irrationality has totally taken over today. And I'm at work thirty minutes later than necessary because it just felt really wrong to go home to my boyfriend while I'm angry about my work crush. I'll leave in a minute, I promise.
But what was I thinking promising to write thirty-seven pages? How will I do that? I don't even know what happens next! AGH! But speaking of the writing, an editor friend of mine is looking at this new one. What I have typed so far. No, not in a submission way. She doesn't edit fantasy. She is going to give me feedback, though. An industry professional is going to give me feedback. I'm pretty excited for that! Well, and nervous. But it'll be good. She's really nice, and she edits entertaining books. So we'll see.
Now that I've forced myself into a little more rationality, I think it's time to go home.

Post vacation

Sorry I've been a little quiet. I got back from vacation late on the 8th, and haven't had much time to myself since then. Work's been busy. Quite busy. And my boyfriend has started his new job, so he gets home earlier than he used to. Before me now, most days. I've thought about writing, it just hasn't happened here.
Instead, I've been writing every day on my novel. I'm around 130 pages in, which is great, and my goal for September is to write 40 pages. That might not seem like much to some of you, but between working full time, playing two instruments, and having a live-in boyfriend, 40 pages is a lot! I feel good about this novel, too. I think my writing is both tighter and stronger that the first book I wrote. But I'm getting close to the end of what I've got figured out. There's going to be a lot of brainstorming over the next week or so!
Vacations always call for some rebalancing time afterward. I did have a great time. Rose's baby Raelyn was born, my grandparents were in town, I got to spend a lot of time with my godkids, and I got some good time with some of my closest friends. Good vacation. But I found myself wondering if it was a dream, even the first night back here. Oregon is SO different than New York City, it's like visiting a different world. So my first couple days back were a littl wonky, to be honest. Life is going okay, though. I am getting motivated again. I made a list of goals for September. Included are:

-relearning the Hindemith Sonata on my clarinet
-figuring out three Anais Mitchell songs on my bass guitar
-writing 40 pages
-submitting my first novel to Tor and Simon & Schuster (yikes!)
-making 1 collage

We'll see how much of it I get done. That's a pretty good list, I think, especially given that I was on vacation until September 8th. I'm shooting for all of it, of course, but add work on top of that, and the freelance I keep accepting, and we'll see what happens.
Last night I dreamed about what-if boy again. I don't remember much. There was a barbeque at somebody's house. There was a lot of food and beer. It was late evening, and what-if boy called to tell me he was on his way. I was really excited. I don't remember him actually showing up though, as we all had to leave for some reason or other. The only other thing I remember is walking down a city street and glancing down to see some stuffed animals clogging up a drain, so I crouched down to pick them up but then at least one of them was a real cat. Weird... The night before I had some sort of Buffy the Vampire Slayer type dream. I know it had a full story arc, but I can't remember it now...
Well. I'd best go do some writing before the boyfriend gets home. I know this was a little rambling; I'll try to be a little more coherent next time.

It's a girl!

On September 1st, 2007, at 6:36 AM, my younger sister Rose gave birth to her first daughter, Raelyn Michelle Schutz. She was in labor for approximately fourteen hours, and everything went really well. Raelyn was crowning for about forty minutes; that was the hardest part. But everybody's healthy and happy. She has a full head of inch-long black hair, just like her mom did when she was born. She has monkey toes, like her dad does. And she's perfectly beautiful. So, although I've had godchildren for twelve years now, I am officially, really an aunt. Isn't she lovely?

Saturdays

Quiet Saturday morning? Check. Good indie music on the stereo? Check. List of things to accomplish today? Check. However . . .
Unfortunately, my laptop has acquired some sort of virus/worm thing. I'm running a scan right now to find the infected files and remove them, but I've done it twice already and it doesn't seem to be working. I may have to suck it up and go BUY some protection for my computer. Sigh. That's some busyness I didn't need. There's plenty on my list for today and tomorrow already! Writing, cleaning, making music, reading, a birthday party at the beer garden, a letter to write to my friend Sarah, a book club meeting, AND 100 pages of freelance. I couldn't say no, I'm getting paid a really nice rush rate . . .
So what am I doing poking around on my blog when I should be doing something? I'm not sure. I guess I just felt like talking to somebody without really talking to somebody.
I'm reading Madame Bovary for my book club. (The book club is all about reading classic literature that we somehow missed in college). I'm enjoying it some, although it'll never be in my top five. But Flaubert's emotional descriptiveness is impressive. It's very easy to get inside the words and really understand how the characters feel, I think. I can really empathize with Emma Bovary. Haven't we all, at some point or another, looked around and thought, "Is this really my life? How did I end up here? This isn't what I wanted, what I thought I would be, at all!" How many of us have felt trapped by the circumstances of our lives? I'm only 120 pages or so in, so I can't say what I think of the book as a whole, but so far it's definitely worth a read. I'll let you know what I think after I do finish it.
There's this blog that I love. Okay, there are several blogs that I love, but today I mean Inside a Black Apple. It's at www.theblackapple.typepad.com. (Forgive me, I don't know how to make it link yet.) Go look. Her artwork is quirky and lovely and a little surreal all at once. On Tuesday, she'll be updating her Etsy shop, and I so want to buy an original! Wish me luck on that. Her pieces sell like hotcakes!
And now, I will quit procrastinating and go accomplish things . . .