Totally irrational

Today, I am having an irrational day. I can't help it. I'm not sure what happened to my mind, but it's just not itself today. I'm wildly all over the place. This morning? A little bleary-eyed and tired, but chipper nonetheless. Lunchtime? A break with the work crush to celebrate him finishing a big work project, wherein I smoked two menthol cigarettes (!) and somehow told my work crush that I could, and will, write thirty-seven pages in my book this weekend. Thirty-seven! And then I ate lunch, a lovely gouda-with-cumin and avocado sandwich on wheat bread. That may have been the most stable moment of the whole day. This afternoon? A total inability to focus on anything other than http://theblackapple.typepad.com/somegirlswander/ because I wish I dressed more like that. AND THEN my work crush decides it would be amusing to tell me he's been emailing with some other girl for hours and that's why he hasn't been emailing me, and I should try to guess who it is. I told him I didn't believe him. He told me he was upset that I didn't. That right there should have made it blatantly obviously that he was lying through his teeth to get a reaction, but I got all riled up. I know he was looking for the reaction. I know he wanted to see if I would get jealous. And I STILL couldn't help it. He got more of a reaction than he bargained for, I think. I stopped responding to emails. Then I had to take something to him, so I went downstairs and did so and tried to be friendly. So what does he say? "Let's bail early. We could go get a drink. Just you and me. And my new friend." I'm sure that my cheeks went cherry red. I said something to the effect of "I have to leave now," spun on my heels, and left. I heard him behind me make some noise of worry and discontent and I didn't really care.
Why does he have to be so good at pushing my buttons?
Anyhow. I apologized for reacting irrationally, and he apologized for thinking it'd be funny in the first place, and I think we're okay. Except for the fact that I actually reacted that way. It was a little too illustrative of my crush. And he asked me why I got mad, of course, to which I replied "It's not a good idea for me to answer that," and he said "That's what I thought." See? NOT GOOD, ladies. Not good.
So. Irrationality has totally taken over today. And I'm at work thirty minutes later than necessary because it just felt really wrong to go home to my boyfriend while I'm angry about my work crush. I'll leave in a minute, I promise.
But what was I thinking promising to write thirty-seven pages? How will I do that? I don't even know what happens next! AGH! But speaking of the writing, an editor friend of mine is looking at this new one. What I have typed so far. No, not in a submission way. She doesn't edit fantasy. She is going to give me feedback, though. An industry professional is going to give me feedback. I'm pretty excited for that! Well, and nervous. But it'll be good. She's really nice, and she edits entertaining books. So we'll see.
Now that I've forced myself into a little more rationality, I think it's time to go home.