Waiting

I know that 95% of you lovelies are already aware of this, but I'm going to address it briefly anyway. I'm moving into my own apartment next weekend. I love my partner-in-crime but I am so excited to have my own space again! However, a couple things have to happen between now and next week. I have to paint the apartment I am moving into, which will be fun. I always enjoy projects like that. I also need to finish packing, which I am strangely not really worried about. It'll happen, or it won't, whatever. I'm not moving *that* far away, so it's no biggie if a few things get left behind on moving day. But, most immediately, a friend is giving me a bunch of furniture, and we've got to move it. This afternoon. But, of course, complications arose with his storage unit, etc., so I have been sitting in his apartment waiting for him to get here for a good hour now. YAWN. I don't mind the waiting so much as the nagging feeling that I should be accomplishing something with this time. I hope that makes sense. There's just so much to get done, including a big freelance project, that I don't feel like I have the time to just sit around like this. But I can't really complain because my friend is being so generous with his belongings. So, I guess I'll just keep waiting. Maybe I'll go read a book or something.

last night

I wrote this post last night, but then the Internet got rather noncooperative, so you get it now:

It's been way, way too long since I last blogged. And no good reason for it, either, beyond being more socially active than normal, and just being busy. I've read a couple of good books recently.
Tender Is the Night: A classic. And yes, for book club. I thought it was interesting. Such decadent characters, literally and emotionally. People fall in love within minutes, and that can last so long. I suppose F. Scott Fitzgerald was trying to illustrate the corruption of richness. Or how easy a relationship can go from sweet to sour. Or both. I had a hard time discerning the point. It was sad to watch the marriage between the two main characters dissolve, and I thought that the love of the young actress for the husband was interesting in that it seemed such a fleeting thing but then lasted for years. I think this book is a great meditation on relationships, and how people can affect other people both for better and for worse.
She: A precursor to the modern fantasy novel. This one was so good! I had a hard time getting into it, possibly because of the voice and style it is written in, but once I got past that I really enjoyed it. The story of two men venturing into the unknown to discover both their past and their future, and finding lost lands, savage peoples, and a mysterious immortal queen. It was easy to empathize with Holly, the older and wiser of the two men. He was very wise, and yet still susceptible to the wiles of the foreign lands and people he encountered. And Ayesha, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, what a fascinating woman! Two thousand years of knowledge resting in her white flesh. Two thousand years of love and longing and passion and pain. She really is a tremendous character, and the choices she makes are sometimes nearly unfathomable. Sometimes. I often empathized with her, at times unwillingly, even. It was impossible not to. She waited two thousand years for her love to return to her; when he did, how could she not do everything within her power to assure his continued presence by her side?
Work is going well. It's still quiet. I am about to start freelancing for companies other than my own, which I am really looking forward to. I know, I'm a workaholic. Can't really help it. And I'm excited to see what other people throw at me.
Still waiting patiently for feedback on my novel. I've gotten a little from a couple people, and it's a good start, some good things to think about, but I'm itching for more. I'd like to start editing in a week or two. I don't want this book to take me as long to finish as the first one did. I mean, every one is a learning process and will move at its own speed, but I still feel like the first one took an inordinately long time. And I feel good about this one; I know that it will only improve with editing, and I'm really looking forward to putting this one out there and seeing if I can get a little interest from an agent. Even if they don't want this one but want to see the next thing I write, that's still a good sign.
I can feel spring in the air when I walk to the subway in the morning now. It's still cold out, still winter-jacket weather. But I can smell it, I can almost taste the spring coming. And with it, change. I can't wait to see what it brings.

Sick again

I've been sick twice now in the last month, and I'm getting a little tired of it, I must say. My partner-in-crime is currently watching the most grating television show ever, so I am hiding on the bed with my headphones and my laptop and a pile of magazines. Today has been strangely nonproductive for me; I gave in to the siren call of doing nothing, since I have no energy anyway. I did, however, go see The Spiderwick Chronicles, and really enjoyed it! It's different from the books. As Holly Black (the author) points out on her blog, Book 4 is missing. But it really was so good. The characters are fleshed out, the fairy folk are amazing, and the whole thing is just fun. Go see it. If you have any iota of love in your heart for urban fantasy movies, go see it.
I also finished an interesting book last night; It's called The Last of Her Kind by Sigrid Nunez. It's about two girls who are roommates their freshman year at Barnard in the Vietnam era, and how their relationship affects them both throughout the years. It's written as one of the women, looking back on her memories. This book was a different one for me, definitely a far cry from what I usually read. But I really enjoyed it. It was more a study on relationships than anything else, on how people affect each other, and how decisions affect more than just the people who make them.
And now, attention and energy failing, I will go aimlessly flip through my pile of magazines.

I don't even know anymore

I never was good at that title concept, anyway . . .
There are many, many things in my brain that I always tell myself I will blog about. But then I get here and I always end up talking a little about work, a little about writing, and a little about life. So, today I'm going to change it up and talk about a couple of things in particular. (When I should be working on my freelance project, of course!) So here goes.
Babies. They're everywhere! I love them. But what is it that makes everyone feel that it is so necessary to breed? I don't understand. Why do people look at me like I've grown a second head when I tell them that I have no desire to have children? It's my body, and my life, and my choice. While I have the utmost respect for women who choose to bring new life into this crazy, messed-up world, I am simply making my own choice. To not. And that doesn't make me any less of a woman, or less of a person. People have told me, regularly and fairly often, that I would make a great mother. And I probably would. (Not ego, just lots of practice with godchildren and nannying!) I just don't want to. Sigh.
I just saw the movie Juno with a friend of mine, and that character, that Junebug, she really took the hard road, I think. She chose to have the baby and then give it up for adoption. It was really quite admirable. And I think the movie was well done. I enjoyed it. The dialogue was clever (sometimes almost too clever) and it took teenage angst to a very interesting level with the pregnancy. When I was in high school, one of my very good friends had a baby three months after she turned sixteen. I remember how people looked at her strangely. I remember how people talked. And watching Juno really took me back to all that.
When I got home I decided to check a couple of blogs, just to catch up, before I sit down to proofread some more. And what did I discover? Laini Taylor is pregnant. I love her writing, and I love her blog, and I'm very excited for her! But it just makes me think about babies, and how people make decisions about babies, and also how people compromise for babies. I know that have a child is a courageous and brilliantly creative act. Maybe I'm not that courageous or not that creative, but if I always wonder: How does having a baby affect one's creativity? One's productivity? I don't think I could do it. Selfish it may be, but I don't think I could. I chose to be childfree and I love my life the way it is. With lots of other peoples' children happily in it, and none of my own.
On a completely unrelated topic: I have been having some issues in my personal life lately. You all probably already know that, my readership of approximately five women! And I have discovered that I am scared. Scared that I am doing the right thing. Scared that I am doing the wrong thing. Scared that there will forever be a lack of understanding. Scared of being mistaken. I don't want to be paralyzed by fear, but I am having doubts in both directions and don't know how to set myself at ease. I worry. And I wonder. And I don't do anything. I've never been particularly strong about things in my personal life. But I can't let inaction make a decision for me, either. I feel like I have backed myself into a corner, somehow, and I'm not sure what it means yet. People have been quite patient and supportive, and it means a lot to me to have that around me. Lately people have also made some rude/snarky/uncalled for comments, and while I know that it's meant with the best of intentions, but it doesn't help. Especially on days when I'm already scared (and PMSing). I just hope that whatever happens, eventually there is a good level of understanding . . .
I know that was pretty vague. I prefer it to be like that, as I didn't start this blog to talk about the inner working of my private life. I suppose it's a bit of a tease, and I hope nobody minds too terribly. It's the best I could do just now.
Anyway, I should go work on my freelancing. Or play my clarinet, or something, but I am desperately trying to finish this project. I hope everybody's having a good weekend!

Wednesday

This morning was lovely, all blustery and crisp and gray. Very West Coast-ish. Made me pine for it, a bit. It's blue skies now, quickly moving toward that perfect blue-time, my favorite time of day . . . So. The typing on my novel is going slowly. S L O W L Y. I suppose it's my own fault, since I took a freelance project on as well. But still, I'd like to have it typed and e-mailed to my readers already! Soon enough, I suppose. A friend at work may give me the names of some agents who deal with fantasy novels, which would be lovely of her. I have a good feeling about this book. My writing has improved, I feel. And I must be honest and say I'm looking forward to writing some short stories and doing some brainstorming while I'm waiting for my readers to dig through this draft!
On the work front, somehow all of my archived e-mails disappeared from my computer on Monday. I spent some time being stressed and angry, but I'm done with that. There's nothing to be done, so why tie myself up in knots over it? Still, it's hard to move forward without all the stored knowledge that was in my archives. I'm working from memory right now, and from the few e-mails that other people have kindly sent to me from their archives. Also, the new assistant will be starting on February 11. So that means that I'll be promoted on that day. I'll have an office. An office! with a door to close! I'm so excited!
And now I should run, as I'm meeting friends for drinks momentarily. . . This was a run-by blog, I guess!

Agh!

Why are there never enough hours in the day to do everything I want/need to do?
Sigh . . .

Exciting news!

I know, I should've blogged about this sooner. I kept trying. But work, being work, is busy and takes up all my time when I'm here, so I have a lack of time for things like blogging about important things. But all that is beside the point because I finished the exploratory draft of my second book! Sunday, January 13, around 9:30 in the evening. 303 handwritten pages. I'm so excited!! Now I'm typing the whole thing. Which is going slowly. But that's okay. It's kind of interesting to go back to the beginning and read how it started as I type. See what turns of phrase I used then, watch characters evolve over the course of the novel . . . Fun. I've lined up several readers, so I'll get some good input.
And on that note, I should run home to type and make music. I'll write more this weekend.
Blessings!