starting anew

So much has happened since the last time I blogged, I'm not sure where to start or what to discuss. Perhaps I'll just nutshell everything, and then I'll move forward with blogging twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays, that's the plan!
Work has been a little rough. I've had some problematic titles, and things have been quite busy. I've been doing over forty hours a week, not a ton over, but over. Occasional projects at home on the weekend, to try to get caught up. I'm also working on some really amazing books right now (Elizabeth Bear! Fran Wilde! Mary Robinette Kowal! Camille DeAngelis! Courtney Summers! and more!), and can't wait for the world to read them so I can talk to people about them.
I went to the Viable Paradise writing workshop in October. I had intended to do a full blog entry about it, but life got away from me for a while. VP was one of the best experiences of my life. To be in a dedicated creative space with a group of other people who are also serious about their writing was incredible. The input, the information, the focus, the community; all of it blew me away. I wish more of my classmates lived near New York so we could have writing dates and talk craft and etc., but I'm more than happy to have the extended online community. Martha's Vineyard was beautiful, the weather was great, the instructors were all amazing. There was good food, and good whiskey, and beautiful nighttime walks to the beach to see the glowing jellyfish tell their stories in Morse code lighting while the Milky Way spun in the darkness above us. I came back rejuvenated in my desire to write, to tell my stories.
In November, my grandfather passed away. I'm fortunate in that I flew out to Oregon in time to see him just hours before he passed. I stood in his hospital room with my family while he took his last breaths; that was a powerful moment to be present for. I miss him, and I'm sad he's gone, but I'm glad I got to be there. I'm glad I could support my parents and grandmother for a full week before coming back to the city, back to work.
I tried to do NaNoWriMo this November, and got derailed by obvious reasons. I did manage to write 15k of a new project, and it helped me get back into a better writing habit, so it was a completely worthwhile try. Maybe I'll do it again next year, depending on where I'm at with all my writing projects. I'm excited about this new project I'm writing, and once I get through a first draft of it, I'll do a final draft on the ghost/witch book.
I've read several books since the last time I blogged:
18) Ink and Steel by Elizabeth Bear. I think it's clear by now that I love all of Bear's books. This one is no exception.
19) Venom by Fiona Paul. I really enjoyed this one: the language, the setting, the plot. This is fun historical fiction, a little creepy, some romantic. In the end, it's not a keeper because I probably won't reread it, but I had fun with it and would recommend it to anyone who enjoys YA historical fiction.
20) The Desperate Adventures of Zeno and Alya by Jane Kelley. This is a great MG novel about the unlikely friendship between a very sick little girl and an African grey parrot. It's very well done, and it's easy to empathize with both Zeno and Alya.
21) Monument 14 by Emmy Laybourne. Another good YA book. This is the first book in an apocalyptic series where a group of kids get trapped in a big-box store as catastrophe after catastrophe occurs in the outside world. It's fast and gripping and action-oriented without losing a sense of how the kids are doing emotionally. This one's a keeper for me, and I look forward to reading more in this series!
22) For Darkness Shows the Stars by Diana Peterfreund. I've loved her writing since I picked up Rampant, and this is no exception. It's a postapocalyptic rendering of Jane Austen's Persuasion. The language is beautiful, the characters wonderful, the love story sad and aching. Aside from the romance, this book also has some interesting things to say about class and slavery. Highly recommended to anyone who enjoys YA, and definitely a keeper for me.
23) Misfit by Jon Skovron. Another YA, this one about a girl who, on her sixteenth birthday, learns that her mother is a demon, and must learn how to use the powers she inherited from that mother. Her father, meanwhile, has brought her up in a very strict Christian household with no knowledge of the supernatural world. This was a fun read, and I enjoyed seeing Jael grow and change as a character, but this one's not a keeper for me.
24) Green by Jay Lake. Holy wow. Why did I wait so long to read this? Jay's language is lush and his worldbuilding is wonderful. Green is a girl who was taken from her family so young that she does not remember her mother or her native tongue. She is taught to be a courtesan at the Court of the Pomegranate Tree. And that's all I'm going to tell you, because it's better if you go and read it yourself! Part of the reason I enjoyed it so much was because it's not fantasy based on some version of Western Europe at some point in history. Jay Lake has created a world and a cast of characters that is startlingly different, and easy to connect with all at the same time. Definitely one of the best books I read this year. I'll be picking up the sequels soon. Everybody should read this!
25) Krik? Krak! by Edwidge Danticat. Sometimes I avoid reading contemporary classics. I'm not sure why; maybe it's that they're what gets shoved in my face by marketing and promotions and such, they're what's on the front tables at Barnes & Noble, etc. I finally read Krik? Krak! just a few days ago, and now I wish I hadn't waited so long to read this one. It's a series of interconnected short stories about struggle and survival in the Haitian community. It's intense to read about the hardships and loss these characters face, but there is a richness to their lives, their familial bonds, that stands out. The voice of these stories is distinct and engaging. This is a great book, and I'll read more by Danticat in the future!
What a long blog entry this has turned out to be. I'm done now. Happy midweek, everybody, and I'll ramble at you all again soon.

since i could say

It's been a while. I'll not make excuses; I feel like I do that so often when I come here. It is what it is, and that's all. A few things of note have happened:
Writing the Other, the workshop I attended in June that was hosted by Mary Robinette Kowal, was amazing. Three days of intense lectures and discussion about how to approach race, sexuality, disability, history, etc. in writing, followed by three days of writing time. I made some good friends, and write a lot of words, and had some great conversation. And baked pie with Mary and Stina, and played LARP croquet. It was perfect. I find myself still mulling over points made in various discussions, and I definitely view books I read through a different lens than I did previous to this workshop.
Shortly after attending Writing the Other, I found out that I was accepted to Viable Paradise, a weeklong writing workshop held every October in Martha's Vineyard that's taught by prominent editors and writers in the SF/F community. I'm going to Viable Paradise!! YEAH!!
Pool: I'm finally settling into my game and improving as a player. Which is great. Both teams I play on are doing really well this season, and I'm really enjoying it.
We've managed to go camping twice now this summer, and it's been SO NICE to get out of the city. Both camping weekends were beautiful, lots of mellow time around a campfire. Reading time. The second weekend I was barefoot most of the time, reconnecting with the earth. I need to do that more often, out of the city, feet on the dirt, surrounded by trees.
Last weekend we spent at the beach with a friend and her family. Like the camping weekends, it was great to get out of the city and breathe in the salt air of the ocean. We were on Fire Island, which is a phenomenal beach, clean and lovely. And I only got a little sunburned.
Books:
12) The Near Witch by Victoria Schwab. This book has a fantastic eerie fairy-tale quality to it. Definitely recommended.
13) Queen of Kings by Maria Dahvana Headley. Cleopatra as undead? Awesome! Seriously, this is a good read. A grim, unsettling version of what happened to Cleopatra and Antony. I can't wait to read more from Maria Dahvana Headley.
14) Shadowfell by Juliet Marillier. I really enjoyed this read. It's about a young girl in troubled times in a fantastical land who loses her family and is helped along her journey to figure out who she is and where she belongs by several mysterious figures. Great fantasy YA. And the first in a trilogy, I believe; I'll have to go find the others.
15) Sixty-one Nails by Mike Shevdon. One of the blurbs on the cover of this urban fantasy says, "Neverwhere for a new generation." I don't think this one is quite as good as Neverwhere (which is one of my most favorite books ever) but I did really enjoy this. It's dark, but it has a sharp sense of humor and the fairy folk are interesting, not the traditional elves etc. I definitely want to read the sequel.
16) The Gaslight Dogs by Karin Lowachee. This was a really interesting read, especially through the lens of the Writing the Other workshop. Picture an alternate version of early America, when the white settlers were fighting with the Native Americans, but add expeditions to the north, one of which brings home an Inuit girl suspected of witchcraft. It doesn't actually take place in America, but the parallels are clear, and it was really interesting to read the approach to both Sjenn (the Inuit girl) and the interactions between the colonizers and the oppressed indigenous groups. While I was somewhat dissatisfied with the ending--I felt that there was more story to be told--I thought that Lowachee did a good job with approaching writing other cultures carefully and respectfully.
17) Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone. Holy hell I enjoyed this book. Magic, fantasy, corporate intrigue, dead gods, and gargoyles; what's not to love? The writing was snappy and sharp, the characters well drawn, the plotting tight. I'm excited to read the rest of this series. I'd recommend this to anyone who likes fantasy.
I did a good job taking care of myself this year until this summer, when I sort of fell off the wagon. Not that I've been crazy, I just have fallen out of my good habits. On Friday I reinstituted them. So far, so good!
And now, I've got four and a half hours until pool starts. I intend to write 500 words, edit at least five pages of Emmelina, start my proofreading project, and handwash some sweaters before I have to leave. Think I can do it? I do! Happy Sunday!

never afraid to burn

End of May already. Half the year is gone, nearly. That went really fast. Most of it is a blur of freelance work, but right now I'm in the middle of my freelance hiatus. Last weekend we went camping! It was so nice to get out of the city for a couple days, to be out in nature. We cooked over a campfire. We went for a hike. It was great.
I've been spending regular time on my writing again, and I really want to keep it up all summer. Next week I need to send my application for Viable Paradise, and the week after is the Writing the Other workshop. This Friday is my first summer Friday, and I can't wait! Farmers market, and writing time, and a bike ride. And who knows what else?
Books:
10) Fathomless by Jackson Pearce. I loved this. Such a great, interesting take on mermaids! It's kind of a creepy book, honestly. I can't wait to read more books by Pearce. It's a keeper!
11) Ashes of Honor by Seanan McGuire. Sixth book in the Toby Daye series. As always with this series, this book raked my heart over the coals. This one wasn't quite as grim as the previous couple in the series, which I was grateful for. These books are difficult, and intense, and they're probably the best urban fantasy series I've read in the last couple years. I can't wait for more. Everybody should read them!
I'm in the middle of approximately four other books at the moment, so I'm sure I'll have more to report soon.
And really, I don't have much else to say today. That will change at some point, I'm sure, but right now I'm just trying to redevelop good habits and get a lot of writing done. Happy Wednesday, everyone!

the breeze drifts on by

The world just keeps on turning, doesn't it? Whether or not you want it to, life just keeps on plodding along, and the commitments keep on stacking up, and the work, and the lack of time and sleep and energy. It's intense. And it's such a fine line for me. I am happy beyond happy that I am fortunate enough to spend all day every day working on books. To surround myself with story, with language, is a blessing. But sometimes I get swallowed whole by other people's stories, and lose track of my own. And that's what has happened for a good portion of this year so far. There's some irony there, in spending so much of this "year of me" on other people and their work so far.
Please don't take this as a horrible complaint. I take full responsibility for it. I, and only I, have made the choices I have made. I accept that. I accept them. I also accept the fact that learning how to focus more on myself, on my own wants and needs, is more than the flip of a switch that I thought it would be. It takes time. And effort. And frustration, and more effort. But I can get there. And I will.
Only two freelance projects stand between me and the time to write again. So I'd best hurry through them.
I think that part of the problem is a sense of validity. With my day job and my freelancing, I can go to bookstores and point out tangible proof of my efforts. I help other people improve their art. With the writing, there is no proof of anything yet. It's intangible. Which means that I don't always feel that it's valid to take time away from the tangible money-making tasks to indulge in the act I am most passionate about. Intellectually, I know that's silly; I need to spend time on my writing in order to improve, in order to find an agent, in order to sell books. Emotionally, even though I inch closer and closer to it, I think I'm still afraid of taking the plunge and truly focusing on it, truly pushing myself. I need to figure out how to get over that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life improving other people's art, as nice and fulfilling as that is. I want to spend the rest of my life improving MY art.
Anyway. A book and a dream for you, and then I need to get back to work. So without further ado . . .
9) The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater. Why on earth did I wait so long to read this book? I love everything I've read by Maggie, and this one is no exception. It's beautiful and sharp and cuts like a knife, and it hurt SO GOOD to read this. I love Blue and Adam the most, though the other raven boys are endearing, too. I love Blue's strange family, and how the weird is the normal, for them. I have the next book, and will read it soon. Some books/authors just cleave to your soul and never leave, and that's how I feel about this series and Maggie's Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy as well. They turn me inside out, they make me cry and give me hope all at once.
Dream: Last night, it started with a little boy. I was on some sort of public transportation (train or bus, not plane) and he was with his mother across the aisle and I think one row of seats up. He was upset, and his mother wasn't succeeding in calming him down. I got tired of his wailing, and asked if he would like to sit next to me and color in my notebook with my pen. He and his mother accepted, and he sat with me for however long we were all on the train. And by the end of it I was fast friends with him, and his mother adored me. Then the scene changed; I was in a swamp, I think, surrounded by green trees covered with ropey vines that seemed as though they leaned down to greet me as I passed. I was working at some sort of waterside (partially floating) plant nursery, I think it was. I was moving potted plants, talking to people, that sort of thing, although it had a bit of a museum feeling to it as well. A gaggle of girls showed up, and in my dream I had flashes of memory about hanging out with one of them; we were good friends. She was the older sister of the boy I'd befriended on the train, and at this point I was friends with the whole family. I left work to hang out with the girls at the family's house, which was huge and labyrinthine. We were eating snacks from the fridge and generally being saucy girls, laughing and trying each others' clothing on and etc. Then I scene changed again, I was no longer at the house. I was maybe at my own? Although I don't recall what it was like. What I do recall is calling my friend, but her mother answered, and she wasn't there. "But Edward is, why don't you come over to hang out with him?" I was intrigued. I knew there was an older brother but didn't know him, so I did. I let myself in and went to his bedroom door and knocked, and when he said I could enter I slowly pushed the door open and he was laying in bed, only his face and a bit of dark curly hair showing. I gave him a flirty smirk, and at the same time I could tell that there was something really wrong with him that only I could fix. (Truly. This was not a "Fix the bad boy's attitude" thing. He was ill, or hexed, or something.) So I made friends with him and I was healing him with plants and such, and got so comfortable with the family that I was basically one of them, although Edward stayed fiercely self-conscious around me. For some reason I thought of him as the Sea King, though if that was true or not I don't know. I wish I'd stayed asleep through the end of the dream to see if I'd healed him; he was only partially better when I woke.
And now, back to work so I can finish these projects so I can get back to mine. Happy Thursday!

i need to clear my mind

There's a new moon today. About five minutes ago, actually. The new moon is a time for sowing new intentions. So tell me, world, what are your intentions for this moon cycle? My intent is to continue trying to focus on myself and my writing. Sometimes that necessitates taking a detour into a lot of freelance work (we all need money to take care of ourselves!), which is a bummer, but so be it. So this moon cycle is about focus and about looking forward, for me.
I dreamed last night that a very dear friend of mine had cancer, and that my parents and I were his primary caretakers as he moved toward the end of his illness. It was heartbreaking, but it was also amazing to spend such raw, honest time with him.
Several strange dreams recently: The previous night I was running a secret gambling hall set above a bar. Invite only, you had to be told where it was, etc. I lived in the space, so did a family of cats, and most of the people who came for the gambling were pool friends in real life. Another night I dreamed about the two children I used to take care of, but in my dream they were teens and living in a house in a smaller town residential neighborhood instead of an apartment in New York. Another night I dreamed about two tribes of post-apocalyptic survivors. Mine was a group of traders, salvagers, who lived in a rubble-filled city and kept giant ledgers of trading records. Nearby in the wilderness was a much more savage tribe that used sex and slavery as power tools. One of my tribesmen defected to (or was stolen by) the other tribe, so I went looking for him. Uncomfortable. And in another dream, the devil himself was leading me and a friend through an ever-shifting series of landscapes until we arrived at his home, which was a fancy, beautiful old mansion (think 1900s New York mansions on Fifth Avenue, not big sprawling English estate mansions). We were there so he could keep us safe, but then there was a big party and this other demon showed up on a rooftop terrace with my brother in tow, and I wanted to rescue him.
See? Strange.
Two books: 7) Copperhead by Tina Connolly. This is the sequel to Ironskin, which I quite enjoyed. I had a harder time getting into this one. The switch in main character had something to do with it, and I felt like this one was really slow in getting to the interesting parts. I enjoyed it, but I don't think it's a keeper for me.
8) Carnival of Souls by Melissa Marr. I've read most of the books Melissa Marr has out there, an generally, I really enjoy her work. (Especially Graveminder. That's one of the best fantasy books I've read in the last several years!) So I was excited to dive into this one. But it left me feeling very conflicted. Of the two main characters, I only liked one, which means I really struggled with getting through parts of this book. Aya really caught my attention. She's smart, and desperate, and willing to do what it takes to make her world better. Mallory, on the other hand . . . She's been kept in the dark about who she is for her whole life, and has a lot of prejudices that her father taught her. I struggled with her because she's weak, and (especially early on) whiny about her life. If there's a sequel, I'll probably read it; I do want to see where the story goes. But this one is not a keeper for me.
And now, I need to get back to my kimchi (I should really do a homesteading post soon about what I've been up to in the kitchen lately) and then do a couple hours of freelancing before I go to pool this afternoon.
Happy Sunday, lovelies!

nothing is taking me down

Almost two weeks ago, I woke up sick in the early hours of Monday morning. Aching body, tired mind, warm throat that felt swollen on the inside . . . Fun. As a result I didn't do much that day (well, I didn't do much for me), and as a result of that, I didn't sleep well. But when I did finally get some sleep, I had horrible dreams. The first one I have only a very vague recollection of, but it was about hanging out with a friend who was near to death from cancer. In the second one, the earlier parts are flashes of scenes. Walking around downtown in a town that looked like Eugene, sort of. Running up a muddy hillside in bare feet, with a dog at my side. I was wearing a dress. And then I was in a big homeless shelter that was built in the forest outside of town, it was a sprawling place of tubes and tunnels and stations within it for food and sleep and hanging out with people. I was walking around it with someone else, maybe I was doing an orientation with them? Or giving them a tour? Regardless of the specifics, a homeless man with a gun (a rifle or a shotgun or something) came in while we were there and shot a lot of people. The noise was horrifying, and there was blood everywhere, and people screaming. I saw two headless bodies on the floor. It was awful, and waking up from it was awful, too.
Well, I meant to blog that a week and a half ago, but never made it back here to finish the post. So you get a couple posts crammed into one. The sickness from the first paragraph didn't last long. Thank goodness, because the last two weeks were very busy. You see, I gave notice at my job, so they were my LAST two weeks at my job. My old company has hired me back to fill a higher position than the one I left a year ago, which is really exciting! Equally exciting is that I'm taking a week off between jobs, so today is day one of my time off. I plan to do a lot of work on my novels, and do a lot of work on my apartment, and get some exercise and play my instruments every day. And read! Speaking of, here are some books for you:
4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer vol. 4. I always love reading Buffy. Enough said.
5) Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse? by Max Brallier. This was a lot of fun. Max, who's an ex-coworker of mine, created a sharp, fun choose-your-own-adventure for adults full of zombie gore and good humor. I read through it a few times, making different decisions along the way, and really enjoyed it!
6) One Salt Sea by Seanan McGuire. This is the fifth Toby Daye book, and as always, this series left me a little brokenhearted for Toby. Life is hard and never gets any easier for her. There are flashes of happiness and brilliance, but there are also serious consequences to her actions, and difficult decisions. I wept at the end of this book. The sixth book is out, and I have it, but I decided to give myself a break emotionally by reading something else. Don't take my words as a negative review, though. I adore this series; it's one of the best urban fantasy series I've come across in the last several years. I'll keep these books forever and reread them every so often. Love these books.
This morning I had another strange dream. It was in the early years of the twentieth century. The suffragettes were a new movement, life felt somehow innocent but somehow complicated at the same time. My family had a large estate, and we were hosting some sort of party/celebration. I was wearing a simple, flapperlike dress, wandering around our home. A man cornered me--he looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman--and asked me to do a spiritual healing on his back. He took off his shirt and stretched out facedown on a settee in the hall. He had a giant purple bulbous growth on the back of his lower skull that hung down like an eggplant, and on the left side of his torso there were strange horizontal scar lines. He said that he could feel evil spirits living in the scars and asked me to pull them out. So I did. (I think I cast the evil spirits into a nearby houseplant, for lack of anywhere better to put them.) He thanked me profusely and a little awkwardly, and lumbered away after replacing his shirt. I went to the backyard. It was nighttime, and there was a swimming pool and many people around. I remember having a conversation with a young man, though I don't recall what about. There were several conversations with my sisters (my real-life sisters) and my mother (also my real-life mother). The extended family were not my actual family. There was something about riding somewhere in a car and being uncomfortable. . . . Something about a sport of some kind. Something about wanting to travel, or being envious of someone else who had traveled. And there were whispers about the suffragette movement, and I had a flash image in my head, sort of a black-and-white news reel, of watching women in uniform getting shot and killed. One of them was related to a friend of mine, a sister or mother? I saw her fall and then I saw a picture of her tombstone overlaid on her body, but it didn't have her name on it, because being a suffragette disgraced your family. At one point someone turned on a radio so there was music wafting on the breeze. And then an older gentleman in my family began to speak very negatively about the suffragettes, and I was all riled up (I don't remember why) so I started shouting at him that women are people too and deserve equal rights and how dare he treat his female family members like subpar humans, and on and on, and he scoffed at me so I said "Fine, maybe I'll join the suffragettes!" And he got very angry with me. I wish I could recall more of the conversations. I know I was in and out of the house several times with different people. I know there were younger children about, playing in the pool and on the grass.
On that note, my partner-in-crime isn't feeling well and is therefore already asleep, and I think I may join him in that. I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday night!

way down by the sycamore tree

How's 2014 treating everyone so far? Things are okay over here. I wrapped up all of my freelance commitments so I've finally gotten back to editing. Emmelina and the Rat King first, and I'll follow that with the ghost/witch book. I feel like I'm really moving in the right direction with both of them. The climax in Emmelina needs a solid edit and cleanup, but I like where it's going. I'm still torn about what to write next, though. I've been thinking about the fey folk/secret society project for a while now, but for some reason I'm not totally convinced. Maybe that's just because I haven't properly focused on it, but maybe it's a sign that I should write something else next. Maybe my zombie novel? Something to think about. I'll keep writing short stories in the Twilight Child universe, regardless of what novel comes next. I know that eventually the Twilight Child materials will turn into something bigger, but I'm not ready for that yet. She's been in my head for so long; I really want to do her and her world justice, and I don't think I'm quite there yet.
It's been quite snowy and cold here in NYC. I know many people don't enjoy it, but I do. I'm a winter girl. Give me the cold snap, give me the air so frozen that taking a breath is like taking a drink of cold running water, give me the drifts of snow clinging to sidewalk and car and fence. It makes me feel happy, and calm, and in balance. That said, I do enjoy all four seasons. But winter is my favorite.
I've only read three books so far this year. I blame that on all the work I did in January. There's time to catch up! My goal is forty-five books again this year. And, while three doesn't sound like a brilliant start, I did reject five or six other books between these three, so I'm going through my books at a decent clip even though I'm not reading all of them!
1) Blood Magic by Tessa Gratton. I love this book. LOVE. The characters, the magic, the shifting undercurrent of tension. It was really well done. It's about magic and love and family and death and making choices. Go out and buy this one; you won't regret it! I can't wait to read more of her books!
2) Sandman Slim by Richard Kadrey. This one knocked me off my feet, too, although it's extremely different than the first book I read this year. This one is gritty and snarky and dangerous and downright funny at times, and you can't help cheering for Stark as he tries to get revenge for the murder of his girlfriend.
3) The Hum and the Shiver by Alex Bledsoe. This book is a really interesting take on magic, family, and war and music. Highly recommended, especially for people who like urban fantasy and folk music.
And now, I have a lot still to do today, so I'm off to do it. Happy Saturday, everyone!