am i drinking this bottle?

I feel like a broken record this year. Still busy, still stressed. Done with band until the fall. Done with my second draft. This month:

• brainstorm about new novel
• work on one short, and query letter and synopsis
• proofread a book
• dig in to a copyediting project
• spring cleaning/purging

I think that's enough. Don't you?
Two books:
7) Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. I really enjoyed this one. First book in a YA paranormal trilogy, but the narrator's a boy, and he's normal. There was a lot to enjoy about this one. Some really fun characters, Civil War history, and a different take on witches. It was also refreshing that there were no vampires or werewolves. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the trilogy.
8) The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters by Gordon Dahlquist. This book . . . I can't honestly tell you whether I liked it or not. I'm not sure. I really enjoyed some of the snappy writing. But sometimes I felt like it was winking at the reader. A look-how-clever-I-am sort of feeling. I liked the main characters. I liked the sumptuous feeling of the book. But I was a bit confused occasionally (which perhaps is due to my lack of consistent reading time) and don't really feel compelled to seek out the other books in this series.
As most of you probably already know by now, my purse was stolen on Sunday while I was playing my pool match. I've mostly taken care of things at this point; I really just need to replace my driver's license still. But I lost two writing notebooks when my purse got taken, and that really angers me. It's been two days now, and I still have a lot of emotion about this. Not to be dramatic, but I feel violated. Some asshole felt like he had the right to take my things and do what he wanted with them. Some asshole took off not just with my money, cell phone, and driver's license, but with two notebooks containing ideas, bits of poetry, friends' email addresses, autumn leaves, titles of books I want to read, etc. And I'm sure those notebooks (not to mention the purse) just ended up in a trash can somewhere. Which infuriates me. (I'm not even going to delve into what a mess I was yesterday between dealing with replacing stolen things and watching the coverage of the bombing at the Boston Marathon. Some days human society just completely disgusts me.) And it'll take me a while to feel comfortable at that bar again, which sucks because it's not their fault and because I'm there regularly for pool.
Hey, Universe, you think you could take it easy on me for the rest of 2013? This whole year so far has been pretty stressful, and I'd like it to ease off a bit.
Back to work for me, it's a busy day. I'll write again soon.

i've been a bad, bad girl

I just realized it's been a month since I last posted here. A month. I didn't mean to let the blog slide for so long, but things have been hectic. There's been freelancing, and extra band rehearsals, and pool nights, and long hours at the day job, and my birthday. So, in a nutshell, here's how I'm doing:

• Band: Two long days left, then I'll be done with this until autumn
• Freelancing: Still struggling to get things done, but I don't have nearly as much of this going on as I did in January/February, so that's progress
• Day job: Still enjoying the new job quite a bit. Good books, good people.
• Writing: Inching toward finishing this draft. I've gotten some great feedback so far. I have two chapters to finish revising, then I'll likely let this sit for a month or so while I think about how to approach my next revision.

So that's that. Progress, but still busy. In the next two weeks I want to finish a copyedit, finish my second draft, critique a friend's book proposal, and get my taxes done. If I manage more than that, great. But those are the goals.
Books. I've read a couple. Here's what:
4) Hammered by Elizabeth Bear. As always with Bear's books, I loved it. Great, gritty near-future sci fi. More, please! I need to get the other Jenny Casey books so I can devour them.
5) Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh. This is also a great read. It's different for me; it was originally published in 1945, and I tend to read more contemporary books. But I quite enjoyed this; the language is great, and watching the Marchmain family slowly fall apart was fascinating, if a bit depressing at times. I know that might not be the best sell, but really, I encourage all of you to give it a try. It's a good book.
6) The Tellers (draft) by John Hague. Since this is unpublished I won't talk about the story itself; I'll just say that I think the edits are going in the right direction, and I enjoyed reading this quite a bit.
On that note, I've got to get back to work. I'll be back soon, after my band season is over. Blessed Be!

before the day is done

(WARNING: This post contains discussion of sexual violence.)
I'm going to be honest. I've been struggling so far this year. Some of it is internal: stress and new job and too many deadlines and a lot of emotional commitments and just AGH. Some of it is external: new job (yes, that counts both ways!) and old job and freelancing and what's been in the news lately. Today really got me; I was catching up on Kat Howard's blog, and hit on this post, which led me to Amanda Palmer's blog, and then on to news articles about Steubenville. And then I got really, really angry.
How can people treat other people like that, like they have a right to do whatever they want? And the bystanders . . . people were taking photos. Videos. People were uploading photos to the Internet as the abuse was happening, but nobody HELPED her. What is wrong with America that we raise our children to stand back and document the wrongdoing but not do anything to stop it? And that reminded me of that poor man who was pushed onto the subway tracks in front of the train in December. People took pictures. Nobody tried to help him.
I could go on and on about this sort of thing, about how I often feel like women are in an abusive relationship with America due to the prevalent rape culture in our country, about how so many of us have been abused but that doesn't make it right or okay or acceptable. But I think that my earlier anger short-circuited my brain a bit. All I am now is sad. Sad that a teenage girl can't be safe at a party with her friends. Sad that so many of us have to endure bullshit like that. And I don't want to be sad. I want to do something about it. But what? Does anyone out there have any ideas? How do we combat this sort of behavior? What do we do?

are you listening?

Settling in to another long weekend day of freelancing. No books to report, no exciting stories. I've just been working a lot. My last day at my old job was Wednesday. A lot of people came out to the bar after to say good-bye, which was really nice. I had hoped that this four-day weekend would be blissful down time, but since I'm behind on my freelancing, it wasn't meant to be. Next weekend is also a long weekend, I believe, so maybe I'll pull off a miracle and get my freelancing done by then.
The new job starts tomorrow. I hope I love it. I had a dream the other night that I started my new job and was given a huge, fabulous office with a window, but I had to share it.
Last night I dreamed. Most of it is fuzzy: something about traveling, on a train, and there was some sort of mystery or trouble. Here's what I remember: I was in a huge building (old apartment building, maybe?) that had a big, fancy, old-fashioned-looking elevator. I was in the elevator with another girl who was much younger than me, several partially full water bottles, and a cat (who looked somewhat like my Zoe). The girl was staring at this wall decoration on the back wall of the elevator. It was made of carpet, or some sort of weird thick paper, but if you looked closely there were words in the pattern. She said to me, "Bleeding heart isn't that much different from weeping eye!" (Maybe it was "sleeping eye"? I'm not sure.) I agreed with her and pointed out that we needed to find the other girl in our group, whose name I had trouble with but finally pinpointed as Allie. I kept trying to find a water bottle stiff enough to hold the elevator open if the door tried to close on it, but it wasn't working. Then a group of kids ran up and piled into the elevator. The cat ran, afraid of the noise. The kids asked what we were doing, we told them. A boy looked at us with pity and said, "You don't have your whole group. The elevator won't take you without your whole group." Then the kids commented on how crowded it was in there, and they closed the door in our faces and rode away in the elevator. So we went to look for Allie (and the cat). We went into this big auditorium on the ground floor, and there was a piano concert on, so we were twirling up and down the aisles trying to find Allie, and people were glaring at us. Oh, and earlier, I remember trying to make the elevator move, but I would just get a strange feeling in my stomach and the door would open on the ground floor again.
So that's that. Time to work for a bit, then do laundry. I'll report in later this week on the new job.
Blessed Be!

like i'm made of glass

I'm off to a bit of a rocky start with the blogging this year, I know. But remember how I said I had a few prior commitments I need to do in January, and then I would do a lot less freelancing? Well. January turned into madness. Two copyedits (the prior commitments), giving feedback on a friend's novel, band rehearsals, and I got a new job. So I've been working late most days to get everything in good shape for my coworkers to take over my books. Plus I'm still trying to squeeze in a few minutes here and there on my own novel. Oh, and I somehow joined the Sunday afternoon pool team at Boulevard. So, put that all together, and I am BUSY. Things will settle down after next weekend though. I need to be done with both copyedits by the end of that weekend. And I won't be scrambling to wrap up my job anymore.
I know it was yesterday, but happy Imbolc, everyone. Imbolc is a quiet holiday about purification and dedication. We did ritual last night with a couple friends who are becoming our regular company for religious observances. We created candle spells for ourselves to focus on what we need to happen in our lives in the coming months, and did a little dedication magic as well. It was nice. I'd like to incorporate more of my spirituality into my everyday life; that's definitely another thing I'll be thinking about more once I'm not running myself into the ground with work.
I read three books in January, which is a miracle given how busy I've been. Thank goodness for subway rides, that's all I can say about that.
1) Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. This book is CRAZY. It's a thriller about a missing wife, that's all I can tell you. It's smart, and horrifying, and witty as hell. If you like thrillers, or good writing, read this one.
2) Poltergeist by Kat Richardson. This is the second book in her Greywalker series, and I enjoyed this one as much as the first. I like Kat's setting quite a bit. Her books take place in Seattle and she's really captured the steady gloom with occasional bursts of beauty, and the weird history of the city. Her approach to the otherworld is really different than anything I've seen before. And Harper is a great flawed heroine. I recommend this series for anyone who likes smart urban fantasy.
3) Elsewhere by Will Shetterly. This was my first foray into Will's fiction outside of his Shadow Unit work, and I quite enjoyed it. It takes place in the Bordertown universe (if you're not familiar with Bordertown, check it out, it's great stuff). Will's language is sharp, his characters are raw in interesting ways, and I love that it's hard. There are no easy answers. You make your choices and you live with them, and sometimes that's not easy but all you can do is keep going. I really liked it, and am looking forward to reading the other fiction by him in my collection.
And now, as much as I could go on, I need to go freelance. The Super Bowl is tonight, so I'm hoping my partner-in-crime heads out to a bar for that so I can have a few hours of solitude this evening. That'd be pretty amazing.

thinking about family

Over the weekend, I read Neil Gaiman's blog entry on the death of his dog Cabal. I wept. What really got me about Neil's blog entry is that he wasn't able to be there when Cabal passed. And that made me think about my family, and how far away from them I am. New York City is 2,485 or 2,894 miles away from Eugene, Oregon, depending on which website you look at. Regardless of which answer is correct, that's quite a distance. I see my family once or twice a year, depending on money and weddings and babies and etc. And that blog entry made me wish I were closer to my family. It made me wish I could see them more often. It made me homesick for my family. And not just my family by blood, but my family by choice. I miss them all a lot, and most of the year I get by on phone calls and the occasional email. I'm not saying that I'm considering moving back west or anything . . . I don't really know what I'm trying to say. Maybe that someday I'd like to live closer to my family again. Something to think about.

i denied it all so long

Happy New Year, everybody! I know I'm a little tardy in saying that, but the new year really started with a bang for me. Party, then hangover brunch, then right back into work and freelancing. So, first, a loose end from last year. I did read two more books, to round out the year at an even forty.
39) The Chains That You Refuse by Elizabeth Bear. Stunning short story collection. Everything she writes is brilliant, as far as I'm concerned.
40) The Umbrella Academy by Gerard Way. This was a fun, interesting graphic novel. Different than a lot of the stuff I've read. Very gray area, not so black and white. I can't say that I was completely sucked in, but I was definitely intrigued.
Okay, onward. I've rejoined band for the season; there's some serious wind ensemble music happening, and some good Broadway songs. And it's nice to be back around other musicians; it's a good community, and I enjoy making music with other people.
My New Year's goals: To work less. To write more. To take better care of myself. I suppse I could break that down into monthly goals and whatnot, but that's a lot of effort and I'm fine with the vagueness for now. I will say for the writing, I didn't manage to finish my draft during staycation. So I'll finish it in January. My goal is to revise again in the second half of February, then submit in March. Then start writing something new in April.
And that's that. I wish I had more to share right now, but I don't. I'm just busy wrapping up prior commitments and playing with Zoe and being overly social.
Tell me about your New Year's goals!