a mark for every season

I've been thinking a lot about scars lately. We're all scarred; we all carry them from past trauma, physical or emotional. I'm a survivor of of emotional and sexual abuse. A high-school shooting occurred in my town while I was in college. My family moved states when I was thirteen (you try doing this as a thirteen-year-old girl who has just found her tribe). I have myriad physical scars that I could explain. 
Those are some of my scars. I know you have your own. Some like mine, some different. But present regardless of similarities or differences.

What I don't understand is how some people force their scars, their trauma, on other people. I am heartsick about Vegas. All those people's lives were changed or snuffed out in a heartbeat, and for what? Because some angry older white guy thought the world owed him something, or had wronged him? What kind of person thinks it's okay to take their unhappiness out on others like that?

I don't have good words for any of this. I am horrified and heartsick. I am in awe of those people who put their lives on the line to protect the other people around them. And I am worried—more than worried. Terrified. I am terrified that nothing will change, that America will continue to value money over lives, that acts of domestic terrorism like the shooting in Vegas won't be acknowledged for what they are.

And speaking of valuing money over lives, I am heartsick for Puerto Rico as well, not only for the hurricane damage they sustained, but for their ongoing trauma in the aftermath and for the horrific treatment they are receiving from the government. Who the hell cares about budgets when people's lives are on the line? We should have sent much more help, much faster than we did.  We should still send more help.

What can I do about all of this? I don't know right now. What I do know is that I won't take it quietly. That I will continue to call my reps and go to protests and donate money to help support survivors through their recoveries. That I will rise up however I can.

It's hard to resist long-term. You get tired. You burn out. But we can do this. We can make things better, I think, I hope. Even if it's only in small ways.

Take care of yourselves, kittens. Self-care is one of the most important things to think about these days. And go do something nice for someone today. Remind yourself, and them, through some small gesture, that there is still some good in the world.